I’m going to start with the end. I found my predator – The Original Him – on Facebook. This was the end result of many catches of the sweater on the barbed wire over the last few weeks.

I had to march backwards in therapy to see that I had been triggered time and again over the course of about  4 weeks . Unfortunately I decided to look him up on Google  after both individual and group. I did it because I’m the closest I have ever been to filing a report. At least I think that was why I did it. I never thought he would be on Facebook. He shares a name with someone who is going to jail for filming his violation of a 15 year old – how fucking ironic.

I don’t know how to feel. I should feel more, but I’m back to feeling nothing. I have not done anything bad to myself however – except to eat some really shitty food and now my entire body aches – but at least that is better than feeling outside of myself.

I guess I am grateful that I can look at all this and know that I have been triggered and I have chosen not to default to any of my normal destructive behaviors. That is progress, right?