Tag Archives: New Love

September 8, 2010 · 10:16 pm

The Asymptote

I’ve found myself a real life asymtptote! Who said maths would never help in everyday life? It even helps with your love-life :P

For those of you not so into maths an asymptote is ‘a line that draws increasingly nearer to a curve without ever meeting it” [Encarta World Dictionary]

So it’s an invisible line that can never be touched. Well that’s my limited understanding of it anyway. :) That’s pretty much what I’ve been living through for well over a year. It’s like there’s this invisible line that I can’t cross with this guy and I have no idea where it is, all I know is that it’s there, it’s delicate and I need to be careful.

I guess it’s been getting more noticeable for me lately because I’ll take a step toward him or he’ll take a step toward me and all the while I’m wondering if I’m about to stumble over some line and ruin our relationship forever.

Is he meant to be looking at me like that? Am I allowed to ask him that question? Should we really be here, alone together? Thing is I have no idea but such occasions are increasing and I have no idea what to do.

I was praying about it the other night and I nearly asked God to stop what we’ve got all together before I realised I don’t want it to stop. I’m actually quite enjoying watching this unravel.

But what will it unravel into? Will it go spiralling into some asymptote? Will we break those set rules? Or is this asymptote and the whole of it for that matter materialising in my mind? I always thought I knew what I would do in a normal situation. But I never distinguished the difference between normal and ideal.

So What am I meant to do? Go forwards or take a step backward.Because in this situation I’m not so sure there’s any standing still. Only falling into or away from each other.

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September 7, 2010 · 10:13 pm

Do I or Don’t I?

I really don’t know how I feel about you.

I think I’ve accepted that I do ‘like-like’ you but then I realise that I don’t. I accept that only to be bombarded with memories, emotions and your scent on my sleeve.

How can this be so complicated? It seems like such a straight forward thing. Do I or don’t I like you? Can I help it or can’t I? For the first time in my life there is no distinct line marking yes or no. Rather there is a haze of hues all mixed in together that I am  somehow expected to decipher.

Since this is kind of private I don’t see why I need to justify my feelings. Who am I to answer to? I don’t think this is about you or what anyone else thinks. Somehow this is just about me. Figuring out how this unvoluntary aspect of myself works. They’re not kidding when they talk about the complicatedness of the female mind!

So do I or don’t I? I just wish I knew. For my own peace of heart. Can I or can’t I help it? Quite simply I just wish I knew the truth. Is what I choose the deciding factor or does this run deeper than that?

I’ve never felt anything like this before. God open my eyes. Please.

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July 30, 2010 · 11:10 pm

In Your Arms I Feel Alive

It’s like I’ve been awakened from my sleep.

My senses fire up and I am lifted from unconsciousness.

Your arms secure around me, your hands encircling my wrists.

My heart seems to stop at your touch yet it racingly beats all at once.

How can you be doing this to me?

Hold me forever?

In your arms I feel alive.

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May 6, 2010 · 9:05 pm

What Could Have Been

Looking at your pictures.

Remembering your smile.

Wishing I hadn’t have added you.

Why did I do it?

Why didn’t I wait?

Now it remains as a reminder of what could have been.

Wishing I didn’t feel such regret.

Wishing self-control was present within me.

Wishing I could take back everything I said.

Wishing things could have gone beautifully.

Your smile next to mine.

Fingers entwined?

Not now.

I typed.

You clicked.

We’re over.

Now I’m sitting here pondering what could have been.

Had I only waited

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May 3, 2010 · 8:09 pm

Click

Will he or won’t he click?

My heart flutters in anticipation.

It is funny how one tiny, almost silent click can cause such an uproar within a person’s soul.

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April 20, 2010 · 10:00 pm

Ralph

“He thought a great deal about her; she was constantly present in his mind.”

 -The Portrait of a Lady.

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April 19, 2010 · 8:21 pm

It’ll Be Love When…

I reckon when you want it, it’s not going to be love.                                           

It’s going to be love when you least expect it.                            

When you desire it more than anything else, it’s not going to be love.

It’ll be love when you don’t understand what’s happening and you can’t slow it down.

When you start wishing on a star, it’s not going to be love.

When you don’t want it and plead that this feeling will leave you alone, then you’ve found love.

When you entertain your thoughts with images of them, it’s not going to be love.

It’ll be love when they pop up in your thoughts unexpectedly and uncontrollably.

When you hype up your relationship with them, it’s not going to be love.

When you have this natural, beautiful relationship, it’s love no doubt.

When you lie awake at night hoping you’ll dream of them, it’s not going to be love.

It’s love when your unconscious mind won’t stop bubbling to the surface as you sleep and you wake up blushing.

When you stalk them online, it’s not going to be love.

It’s an opportunity for love when you leave things alone and they happen naturally.

When you get speechless around them, it’s not going to be love.

It’s love when you can’t understand why you feel at home by their side.

I reckon if you think it’s love at first sight, it’s not going to be love.

It’s love when you don’t realise it’s even there until you see the fruits blossoming.

If you’ve got to beg for their attention, it’s not going to be love.

It’s love when they seek you out and it’s effortless to keep their interest.

If all that you want is to fall in love, so much so that you become desperate and give yourself away to anyone, it’s not going to be love.

It’s love when you’ve saved it and it is worthwhile.

Love is not selfish.

Love is pure.

Love is love when it can’t be helped.

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April 17, 2010 · 6:43 pm

To Send Or Backspace?

Did you ever go to write someone a text message but you had nothing to say? You just wanted to talk to them?

Or did you ever have something to say but you didn’t have the heart to send it?

So you backspace.

But then you write it again… look at it and… backspace?

Gosh do you know the feeling?

I got words on the tip of my tongue

they tingle down to my fingers.

I got words to breathe out of my lungs

but I’m scared of getting splinters.

So I whip out the phone.

My muscles spin

my hearts sings

what I’m feeling’s written on the screen.

But it goes to the bin.

Are my feelings a sin?

I’ve only courage enough to keep the slate clean.

I want you to know

there are feelings to show

even when I don’t have the words.

I want you to know

that I want you alone

cause right now my heart beating hurts.

Yes I want you to know

I’ll sit by the phone

and  sit by the phone

waiting for courage to birth.

© retracingme

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April 15, 2010 · 10:28 pm

Mr Tall, Dark & Handsome?

So I’ve kinda always thought I’d like a tall guy right. Even though I am only 5 foot 1…

Not tall and skinny either, no way man! Beefy. Sorry :P “Mr tall dark and handsome”- That’s my standard.

Ok so this is going somewhere, I promise. I went to the movies the other day and saw The Last Song with Miley Cyrus. :P Nicholas Sparks! You should know by now how much I both love and hate that man. Ok so it was a really cute movie. But every time the guy, Liam Hemsworth, came on the screen I couldn’t help but go ‘woa that guy is really big!’. And gotta admit I think he was too big. Miley next to him was a bit too much. It was cute ok… there’s nothing wrong but it just got me thinking.

So I was on the Teen Vogue website and I was looking at the photo shoot that just happened to contain a number of shots with the couple together. And then I realised just how tall he is and how small she is. Poor thing. She was all snuggled up next to him and wearing these incredibly ridiculous high heals… and she was still way shorter than him!

 Check the platforms out!

Look how high they are! Do you reckon it is worth it? To be so uncomfortable and in such pain just to look cute together? Makes me wonder if I would do it. I mean seriously these shoes are not made for walking! Imagine your wedding. Changing your shoes after you walk down the aisle so your only one foot shorter rather than two!

I don’t know if you can see these shoes clear enough. Zoom in if you must or check out the whole photo shoot on their website. My sister and I were making jokes over all the different shoes. These ones were the ‘llama shoes’. Or ‘Mr Tumnus’ for those Narnia fans out there :P

So ladies tall men or not so tall men? What extremes would you go for them?

& Guys, do you honestly care if a girl is short?

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April 4, 2010 · 11:04 pm

Waiting

You know the suspense when there is a chance something amazing could happen?

The thrill that just runs through your veins but at the same time you’re scared that it could all turn out wrong, but you lean on the good side cause that’s what you want?

Maybe it isn’t all in our mind. I reckon there are things that life dishes out that we have no control over. I just feel so disappointed, it seemed everything was going great and then there were a few bumps in the road and then it came to a screeching halt (literally).

I know one day I’ll look back on it and laugh. I don’t even see why this was so important to me in the first place. Probably cause it was psyched up in my mind that I should like this guy, even if my friends and I were just joking about… look where day dreaming has gotten me.

I know it’s just the blues but I wish I could go back and change what happened. I wish we didn’t have to turn out like that and I wish that what happened wasn’t such a big deal to me. But it is :S

It will pass. It will. I just wish we could share something more than a mistake. An unwanted memory that makes us cringe. I’ll just continue waiting.

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