Paperback 1140: Undress Rehearsal / John Carver (Softcover Library 95265)

Paperback 1140: Softcover Library 95265 (1st ptg, late '60s to 1970)

Title: Undress Rehearsal

Author: John Carver

Cover artist: photo cover

Condition: 9/10    

Value: $12

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover: 

• Seems pretty bored for someone at an orgy. "What an orgy!" "Meh, it's OK." Maybe that wicker chair seat just isn't that comfortable to sit in naked.
• What is she holding? A leaf? A shoe? A feather? I also have a follow-up question. Namely, "Why?"
• Those thigh-high black leather fetish boots are shiny and spectacular. I just wish she seemed to be getting any joy from them.

Best things about this back cover: 

• The backs of sleaze paperbacks fall into two categories: brief, enigmatic, typo-ridden prose poems that seem to have been translated hastily from some lost Central European language; or, treatises.
• I took one look at the name "Roz" and thought, "oh that's definitely the requisite lesbian." I was close. 
• "Adults could make love with youngsters"—did that *ever* sound good? "Youngsters?" It's better than "children," I guess, but only barely.

Page 123~

"Filthy. It is even more disgusting in the flesh. A degenerate, characterless story containing the grossest invitations to moral disintegration. I object—and I shall go on objecting."

There's your back cover blurb right there. Just ascribe it to some the head of some fictional Public Morals Org. and you're in business! 

~RP

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Paperback 1016: Sex Diary / Nat Brand (Hi-Hat 103)

Paperback 1016: Hi-Hat HH 103 (PBO, 1963)

Title: Sex Diary
Author: Nat Brand
Cover artist: [Uncredited]

Condition: 9/10 (tiny notch up top, else Perfect)
Estimated value: $20-25

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• Oh, sorry, I see you're studying. I'll come back later.
• "Knock knock" "Who's there?" "ORAL" "ORAL who?" "ORAL the salacious sight gags used up or do you have one more you'd like to try out?"
• Of all the disturbing things here, the most disturbing is that either that dude wants to put beer in a martini glass or else that gin needs a bottle opener (?!). Or else that's champagne, in which case everything is wrong, burn it all down...
• Oh, and her mouth. That is also disturbing. The mouth-to-Everything-Else ratio is way, way off.

Best things about this back cover:

• As if this back cover type were not hilarious enough, this one omits the closing phrase! It's supposed to go "RIDICULOUS OPENING PHRASE... / Cover copy that sounds like it was written by a prurient 11-yr-old then translated into Ukrainian then Portuguese then Urdu then back to English again... / RIDICULOUS CLOSING PHRASE." I have countless examples of this very type of back cover. And yet, here, I am forced to use my imagination to finish off the final sentence. The depraved inkstains of her WHAT!?!?! LUST PEN? SIN QUILL? I'm gonna lose sleep over this.
• "The entries of the facts of her lust sessions" ... [steps back, admires wordsmithery, kisses fingertips] ... MWAH!
• "Penetrating pen" ... "every shocking inch" ... The subtlety! It's maddening!

Page 123~

His hands slid haltingly on her belly.

I think we're done here.

~RP

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Paperback 622: Willing Women / Connie Sellers (Novel Book 5019)

Paperback 622: Novel Books 5019 (PBO, 1960)

Title: Willing Women
Author: Connie Sellers
Cover artist: Uncredited

From The Doug Peterson Collection (recent acquisition)


Best things about this cover:

• Here we see Novel Books testing out its novel strategy of just printing the title of the book wherever there's blank space. "What's the name of that book again? I forgot."
• "CARNAL ORGY"?! Why, that's my favorite kind of orgy! How did you know?
• "Our wigs come in blond, flaxen, and molded rubber. You like?"
• Man, the closer they come, the more nightmare-inducing they get.
• This cover is being photobombed by the closest lady's left boob. Photoboobed.
• The condition of this book is nearly flawless. Square, bright, unread.
• "(Wheaton)," HA ha. Big time!

Best things about this back cover:

• Nothing sleazes up a photo like eye bars.
• I like how I'm supposed to believe that "Masae" is just another name, like "Margaret" and "Sara."
• The best, and worst, phrase on this, or any, book, is "piece of female."
• P.S. Great dane.

Page 123~

Her mouth slid back and forth on the muzzle, tongue loose, lips spread. Her body arched, shuddered as her hips rotated. She crushed the barrel harder between her breasts and moaned.

Um ... I have read this passage several times, and I am not joking when I say it *appears* that she "makes love to" a shotgun. You do *not* want to know what the moment of climax looks like. Do. Not. Want. I, sadly, cannot now unknow it.

~RP

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Paperback 618: Easy Women! / Orrie Hitt (Novel Books 5065)

Paperback 618: Novel Books 5065 (PBO, 1961)

Title: Easy Women!
Author: Orrie Hitt
Cover artist: photo cover

From The Doug Peterson Collection (new acquisition)


Best things about this cover:

• Strangely, the part of all this nutso text that made me laugh hardest is "... ON IT!"
• So ... they're a bunch of lazy welfare queens, but they have orgies 24/7?! They sound ... industrious, at the very least. 
• That 10,000,000 number is less impressive when you consider he wrote about 100,000 books.
• I love the design on this, in the way that I love completely inexplicable things. I've never seen text obscure my view of the action quite so much as it does here. I think people are making out next to the blond woman's left cheek ... but who can say?
• I love how the one book Orrie Hitt has been dying to write is probably the one people have been least dying to read. "You know what this sleaze paperback needs more of? Ayn Rand." Said no one ever.

Best things about this back cover:

• Hang on, let me get my reading glasses and a cup of cocoa.
• I need to get ahold of "Animal Broad" and "Giant Orgy" asap.
• "Novel Books: Books for men who really like being men with other men in a way that is "virile" but *completely* not gay."
• I love how it's all "man" this and "man" that re: welfare, but of course the book is all about sluts.
• "You'll applaud his condemnation of their 24 hour-a-day orgies!"—oh, OK, so it's not a solid 24 hours of orgying, but one hour of orgying a day for 24 days. That's a *much* more reasonable orgy schedule. 

Page 123~

He had learned the meaning of power that night in Emily's room [1], the raw power of anger [2], and when he had reached home he had found love in his wife's arms, a wife who had smelled of scotch but who no longer drank [3].

[1] 50 Shades of Orrie!
[2] Uh oh ... someone go check on Emily.
[3] So either she started drinking again or some Scotch-slathered brute 24-hr-orgied her. You can guess which scenario I prefer.

~RP

P.S. the spine reads "A NOVEL BOOK / IS A MAN'S BOOK!"—At this point, I'm surprised they didn't just cover the whole book in cocks.

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Paperback 602: The Body Lovers / Mickey Spillane (Signet P3221)

Paperback 602: Signet P3221 (1st ptg, 1967)

Title: The Body Lovers
Author: Mickey Spillane
Cover artist: photo cover (pictured: author Mickey Spillane himself)

Yours for: $11


Best things about this cover: 

• In which Mike Hammer hunts down the monsters who designed this poor girl's wardrobe.
• The budget for this cover shoot appears to have been about six dollars. Give or take.
• Somewhat unfortunate that, in this pose, it looks like Hammer was caught on the verge of violating a corpse. Talk about your "Body Lovers!"
• This is flawless, unread copy.

Best things about this back cover:

• Ooh, I actually like the tricolor effect.
• Underground orgy cults are the best kind of orgy cults. All the other orgy cults are too mainstream.
• Next time someone claims to be a V.I.P. ... now you know.
• Is that Buffalo News blurb praise or horrified observation? "Moose bondage!? Dear lord!"

Page 123~

"Just so you can't say we're not covering every route I'll see what Interpol has on Ali Duval and have them pick up anybody in a fez who isn't a shriner."

Exotic headwear enthusiasts, beware.

~RP

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Paperback 462: In Search of Sin / Gil McDonald (Saber Tropic 915)

Paperback 462: Saber Tropic 915 (PBO, 1965)

Title: In Search of Sin
Author: Gil McDonald
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $20

Best things about this cover:

• "Mission ... accomplished."
• "Don't mind me kids. I'm good. Carry on."
• "Did somebody order a debonair voyeur?"
• Whenever Steve went out spying on his wife, he always brought along HAL-9000 for backup.

Best things about this back cover:

• Quite possibly the best back cover opening line I've ever read.
• As good as the first line is, the second line is equally bad. Passive voice, kids ... it's a killer.
• If you want to kill your boner, just read this back cover. Nothing unsexier than clunky, amateurish writing about sex.

Page 123~

"I take it you're off on some half-baked idea of your own about how to catch these people," he continued, as his cigar again jabbed the air savagely.

Fly paper and swatters were fine for some people, but for Captain Gregory, nothing was so satisfying as taking down a pesky fly with a lit cigar—foolish appearance and inefficiency be damned!

~RP

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Paperback 458: Gutter Gang / Jay de Bekker (Beacon Books B108)

Paperback 458: Beacon Books B158 (PBO, 1954)

Title: Gutter Gang
Author: Jay de Bekker
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $20


Best things about this cover:

• "Psst. Hey, Billy, you gonna hit that?" "Shut up, guys, that's my mom!"
• "Billy, you come home right now and do your chores! And take that cigarette out of your mouth this instant!" "Aw, mom...! You're makin' me look uncool in front of the guys..."
• Art director had only one note: "Grimier."
• I love '50s paranoia about JD (Juvenile Delinquency). I don't know who Norman Anthony is (whoa, I've said that before ...), but I'm sure he was hysterical.

Best things about this back cover:

• Well, when you have your midnight orgies in the parking lot of the A&P, that'll happen.
• "Sponsors"=not the word I was expecting. "Hey girls, let's all go to AA!" "Neato!"
• "B- B- B- Benny's name is Lesk!"
• Those poor, poor kids. Getting high, fucking ... I really pity them.
• This book has chapters with titles like "Muggin'," "Chicken," "Hot Gin," and, of course, "Chivalry"

Page 123~ (cheating: p. 122)

I ask him does he live with this folks, and he says he has a mother and a sister but no real father. He said he was a bastard, a real bastard."

I like how she talks about bastards like they were astronauts or yetis.

~RP

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Paperback 447: Queer Patterns / Kay Addams (Beacon B259)

Paperback 447: Beacon Books B259 (PBO, 1959)

Title: Queer Patterns
Author: Kay Addams
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $60


Best things about this cover:

• What's amazing about this cover is how unsleazy it is. The colors and lines are all incredibly soft, and while the picture suggests imminent sex ... I don't know, something about this scene seems sort of sweet (thus at odds with the "Perversity" allegation).
• "Queer Patterns" is an oddly unhot title. Like it's a novel about avant-garde knitting.
• This is one of my Desert Island Books ... or maybe Burning House Books, i.e. if I had to save 10 books from certain destruction, this would be one of them. It's from the dead center of my collection, time-wise (1959), it's in fantastic condition, it's a near-perfect specimen of the "lesbian fiction" pulp genre, and, well, those are nice boobs.

Best things about this back cover:

• "FRANK!"
• "NETHER!"
• That is one of my favorite opening lines of cover copy ever.
• "Reckless paroxysms of desire" — why couldn't this copywriter do *every* back cover?
• "Consoling cozenings"! Wow, that should win some kind of Ambitious Alliteration award.

Page 123~

"This is insanity," I said one night.

"Love is insanity." She lifted her head from where it had been. "Let me show you just how insane."

[standing ovation]

~RP

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Paperback 427: Adultery in Suburbia / Robert Brooks (Midwood 32-866)

Paperback 427: Midwood 32-866 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Adultery in Suburbia
Author: Robert Brooks
Graphic design: Azzato

Yours for: $17


Best things about this cover:

• This title is crying out, begging for a pictorial cover. Maybe I'm supposed to be seeing some kind of funky intercourse in that bathroom-door symbol shenanigans, but I'm not. NOT, I say.
• I want to be a part of this The Affluent Society. It sounds ... affluent. And sexy.
• Kinsey! Sadly, the word "frank" appears nowhere on this book's front or back covers :(

Best things about this back cover:

• Ah, I see we have the requisite "probing deep" claim ... nice.
• Robert Brooks is ruthlessly honest, I tell you. Ruthlessly! You will say "No, don't tell me about the key parties!" and he will shout "Mwahahaha, you can't stop me! Key parties! Hot tubs! Oh the things I will be honest with you about!"
• I love the logic of this back cover: "You will ask yourself 'Can this be true?' and you will have to say Yes because, after all, someone went to the trouble of printing it on paper, which, as we all know, makes things true."
• "You, the intelligent reader..." Oh, you silver-tongued book. Do go on.

Page 123~ [aargh, book is only 122 pages long!; default to p. 23!]

The Monotony of Suburban Living Acts to Make Both Male and Female Restive

That's the title of Chapter 2. Good thing I live in the city itself, and not one of them fancy *suburbs* of Binghamton. I'd hate to be restive.

~RP

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Paperback 167: The Private Life of Julius Caesar / William Marston (Universal Giant no. 6)

Paperback 167: Universal Giant no. 6 (1st ptg, 1953)

Title: The Private Life of Julius Caesar
Author: William Marston
Cover artist: George Geygan

Yours for: $25


Best things about this cover:

OK, stop. Hammer time. This book was written by the creator of "Wonder Woman." I Am Not Kidding. And yet none of the booksellers at abebooks mention the connection between this book and "Wonder Woman." You'd think that fact would be one of the main selling points. As I looked at the book, I thought "William Marston" sounded familiar, and then I looked inside and saw the author's middle name (Moulton), which rang even more bells. Then I googled. Holy Krap. From Wikipedia:

Dr. William Moulton Marston (May 9, 1893 – May 2, 1947) was an American psychologist, feminist theorist, inventor, and comic book author who created the character Wonder Woman. Two women, his wife Elizabeth Holloway Marston and Olive Byrne, (who lived with the couple in a polyamorous relationship), served as exemplars for the character and greatly influenced her creation.^[1][2]

He was inducted into the Comic Book Hall of Fame in 2006.

• "Polyamorous" pretty much describes this cover - I count five different sexual permutations on the front cover alone - and wait til you see the back cover (and the spine!)
• I love that a "feminist theorist" inspired this (awesome) cover. I guess she who reclines on the bed with the chalice of viscous mauve goo makes the rules. "OK, you kneel! Now you, you kneel more! Kneel wheel!"
• I love how the whipping scene is strategically placed for her (our) viewing pleasure.

Best things about this spine!!!!:

• I love how the kinkiest (albeit minutest) scene in the whole tableau is on the spine - no matter how it's shelved, You Will See Flesh.

Best things about this back cover:

• I know this is an odd thing to say, given the rampant nudity, but those are some well-drawn horses.
• "Your calves are so smooth..." "Oh, that's just the satyr urine. It works wonders. Here, let us pour some on your back..."
• Jeez, a crucifixion, too? It's like the painting's running out of ways to exploit the female form.

Page 123~

from a chapter titled, I swear to god, "Ladies' Night"

The pretty young neophyte walked straight to the golden gate, as she had been told to do, and gave her name and that of her sponsor to the door-slave who stood behind the golden bars.

And thus began the first recorded A.A. meeting.

P.S. "door-slave"?

~RP