This one won't be for everyone.
Timothy Visentin's WHERE DEATH FOLLOWS is a dark and often brutal script, but there's genuine talent here. Of the submissions I read for my competition, this was the one I agonized over the most. No script had me as compelled at the start as the first four pages of this one did. It was a scene that in the wrong hands could have easily made me toss the script away. And yet...
I'll set the scene for you - we open on a hunter, Mason, walking through the forest with his 17 year-old son Michael. It has the feel of a father-son coming-of-age outing, as Mason points out their target and talks his son through lining up his shot and waiting for his moment. You can almost feel the fatherly pride as Michael says, "Got him." Yet when they go to collect their kill, all they find is blood, indicating a wounded quarry. Mason says they don't leave wounded, and insists his son finish the job. Michael tracks through the woods... and finds a man laying in a pool of his own blood.
Yes, father and son were playing out "The World's Most Dangerous Game." Even though I had read the logline "When the FBI guns down his father, the teenage son of a serial killer goes on the run from a relentless and unstable Federal Agent who will stop at nothing to see him dead" when I selected the script, it was completely out of my mind when I opened the PDF. I was completely blindsided by not just the reversal, but by the craft in revealing it.
(I can understand how a scene like this would push a LOT of buttons in a post-Newtown world. In all honesty, some of the material later in the script left me similarly conflicted. But I can still see this as a movie, particularly considering the low budget necessary to produce it.)
Before long the authorities come for Mason, who turns out to be a serial killer with dozens of victims under his belt. He provokes the cops into killing him, allowing Michael a chance to get away. FBI Agent Gabriel Reilly has been hunting Mason for a while and isn't about to let his son slip away - and it looks like we've got the trajectory for our script.
The resulting story isn't quite as much a cat-and-mouse game between killer and cop as I might have hoped, but it's still plenty compelling in it's own right. The script explores the moral compromises that Gabriel is willing to make to stop a demented killer, even as Michael befriends some college age kids who have no idea how dangerous he is.
Visentin is brilliant at generating tension on the page. There are a number of "Oh shit!" moments that ensure the reader will be at a loss if they're looking for a moment to set the script down for a break. Perhaps my strong investment in the first half explains my disappointment in one aspect of the back half.
This aspect would be Michael's relationship with Hailey. I never quite warmed up to Hailey as a character. She's a perpetual victim and around the time some thugs rape her, I felt the script had made a choice that was too conventional. When she was victimized (and later revealed to have a history of the same) it seemed beneath the script. Mostly, I was disappointed that once again a script resorted to raping a female character mostly as a way of motivating the male character.
Why didn't this same issue raise my hackles in CHAMBERS? This is partially because the storyline there made a female victim more logical. If a hack writer is going to kidnap someone as research for his novel, he's probably going to bow to cliche and make it a young woman. That's also offset by the fact that the victim in CHAMBERS wasn't the only prominent female role, with one of the other major roles being the female sheriff. Here, the treatment of Hailey felt less inspired and less justified and it was a struggle to buy into some of her actions late in the script.
And yet, I find it hard to totally dismiss the script on the basis that the second half of the story makes different choices than I would have made in the writer's place. The Hailey material is a minus for me, but absent that, the script makes choices that are sound and reasonable. Sticking to judging the script for what it is rather than what I want it to be, the back half rates AT LEAST a 7. With the first half coming in at a 9, I figure it's fair to average that out to an 8.
(The Black List reader rating came out as a 9, which strikes me as fair. Having read the comments of that reader, I mostly agree with them and I feel like they effectively represent the script's virtues to any curious industry users.)
Visentin is repped by managers Jennifer Au and Adam Marshall at Caliber Media, which is interesting because I've come to know Caliber Media as a place that often submits fantastic material that likes to test the audience's tolerance for violence. I've read at least two prior submissions from Caliber where I've thought, "This is a fantastic concept, great writing... it just goes a little too far on the brutality." From what I've learned, that's by design. I can appreciate the wisdom of that (after all, the memory of those specs still stands out among the hundreds other I've seen since them), even if I think in some cases those scripts would have been an easy sale had the writers been willing to tone thing down.
For me, while some of this material walks up to the line and even crosses it briefly, its virtues are far more plentiful. There's too much right with this script for me to hobble it based on those points. It's not for everyone, and though I'd prefer certain elements had not been included, my own taste cannot be the first and last word on this. I wouldn't be doing my job as a "first filter" if I got hung up on one element that's relatively easy to solve with a rewrite.
Click here to download WHERE DEATH FOLLOWS on the Black List.
Also, you can find the other two BSR- endorsed scripts: CHAMBERS and H8RZ on the Black List, or look up the reviews I wrote for them.
I'm afraid these are the only spotlight reviews I'll be writing for this batch. 3/8 is a pretty good ratio, and I'll add that I rarely give 3 considers per every 8 submissions even when I'm reading stuff submitted professionally. You guys did good. In fact, I enjoyed it so much from my end that I hope I can do it again some time. I hope some good things come from these reviews, and if not, we'll try again in a few months.
Showing posts with label script review. Show all posts
Showing posts with label script review. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Monday, July 8, 2013
CHAMBERS is another winner from Black List 3.0!
I agreed to read 8 scripts on the Black List website, selected via their loglines. I already showed some love to H8RZ, so if you haven't already downloaded and rated it, please make some time to do that. I'm also excited to say that I'm about to add to your reading pile with a second submission, CHAMBERS.
CHAMBERS is a psychological thriller from writer Stan Himes. It's about "A wallflower college student, horrified at the discovery of a torture chamber hidden by his recently deceased father, struggles to save a young woman still trapped in it while his domineering brother wants to continue their father's work." I was drawn to this logline because it was a solid genre idea with a very marketable hook. I'm sure someday serial killer scripts will finally go out of style, but for now, it remains a popular genre.
Going into this, I had hopes that it truly was more a cerebral thriller than a torture pore gorefest like SAW. While I recognize that there was a period of time when the SAW-style films were on fire, I never warmed to that kind of film. As it turns out, I had little reason to worry.
The logline pretty well lays out the concept. A novelist who focuses on depraved killers is killed in a car crash. His will leaves specific - and unusual instructions to his college-aged sons - who are ordered to bury him in secret. Daniel is the more introverted son, and he has reason to think his father often favored his brother, Wally. As the two settle their father's affairs, they uncover a secret storage facility in their father's name. It's full of fake IDs, driver's licenses, passports and cash. With the sheriff already poking around after her curiousity is aroused by oddities in the author's death, Daniel wants to bring the cops into it. Wally cuts him off and insists they keep it between them.
This is what occupies the first act and I admit it would probably be a lot more suspenseful if the logline hadn't already clued us in to where this was going. Sometimes it can be a problem when the audience is this far ahead of the main characters, but to my thinking, it works. From the first few scenes, it's clear there is something amiss in the author's death and so the screenplay earn our curiosity about these various loose ends all while laying some character groundwork. There's also some tension brought in by the female sheriff's efforts to uncover everything. Even though we know the first big point that the script is building to, enough is going on that we trust the story has legs beyond that reveal.
As the script enters Act Two, the boys discover a hidden chamber on their father's property. It's an underground one-room apartment that functions like a prison... and inside... is a 19 year-old woman. It doesn't take the young men long to figure out that their father regularly kidnapped women and used his methods of murdering them as research for his books. Daniel immediately wants to free her, but Wally is concerned that doing so impulsively could lead to her implicating their father, thus ruining his reputation. He suggests they figure out a way to get her out of there without giving her any reason to suspect who took her.
And this is where I start playing coy with plot twists. Suffice to say that an attempt to release her without exposing their identities goes very, very badly. Things get so much worse than they could have imagined as the full extent of their father's depravity is revealed. There are a number of twists I didn't see coming and most of them hold up pretty well to scrutiny. I'll admit that the motivations of one or two characters is occasionally tricky to parse out. Still, it's nothing that can't be solved by a rewrite focused on fleshing out those specific characters.
Virtues: Strong plot twists, solid concept, could easily be produced on a low budget, marketable genre.
Could be improved: Character motivations. The climax could also stand to be amped up.
In any event, the writer shows a lot of promise and this writing sample definitely deserves a look from potential reps. If you have Black List access and want to read CHAMBERS, go here. I give it an 8/10.
If you get a chance, please read and rate both it and H8RZ. Two ratings make the script eligible for the Top Lists, where the scripts in question garner even more exposure.
Later this week, I'll publish my third review from the Black List loglines.
CHAMBERS is a psychological thriller from writer Stan Himes. It's about "A wallflower college student, horrified at the discovery of a torture chamber hidden by his recently deceased father, struggles to save a young woman still trapped in it while his domineering brother wants to continue their father's work." I was drawn to this logline because it was a solid genre idea with a very marketable hook. I'm sure someday serial killer scripts will finally go out of style, but for now, it remains a popular genre.
Going into this, I had hopes that it truly was more a cerebral thriller than a torture pore gorefest like SAW. While I recognize that there was a period of time when the SAW-style films were on fire, I never warmed to that kind of film. As it turns out, I had little reason to worry.
The logline pretty well lays out the concept. A novelist who focuses on depraved killers is killed in a car crash. His will leaves specific - and unusual instructions to his college-aged sons - who are ordered to bury him in secret. Daniel is the more introverted son, and he has reason to think his father often favored his brother, Wally. As the two settle their father's affairs, they uncover a secret storage facility in their father's name. It's full of fake IDs, driver's licenses, passports and cash. With the sheriff already poking around after her curiousity is aroused by oddities in the author's death, Daniel wants to bring the cops into it. Wally cuts him off and insists they keep it between them.
This is what occupies the first act and I admit it would probably be a lot more suspenseful if the logline hadn't already clued us in to where this was going. Sometimes it can be a problem when the audience is this far ahead of the main characters, but to my thinking, it works. From the first few scenes, it's clear there is something amiss in the author's death and so the screenplay earn our curiosity about these various loose ends all while laying some character groundwork. There's also some tension brought in by the female sheriff's efforts to uncover everything. Even though we know the first big point that the script is building to, enough is going on that we trust the story has legs beyond that reveal.
As the script enters Act Two, the boys discover a hidden chamber on their father's property. It's an underground one-room apartment that functions like a prison... and inside... is a 19 year-old woman. It doesn't take the young men long to figure out that their father regularly kidnapped women and used his methods of murdering them as research for his books. Daniel immediately wants to free her, but Wally is concerned that doing so impulsively could lead to her implicating their father, thus ruining his reputation. He suggests they figure out a way to get her out of there without giving her any reason to suspect who took her.
And this is where I start playing coy with plot twists. Suffice to say that an attempt to release her without exposing their identities goes very, very badly. Things get so much worse than they could have imagined as the full extent of their father's depravity is revealed. There are a number of twists I didn't see coming and most of them hold up pretty well to scrutiny. I'll admit that the motivations of one or two characters is occasionally tricky to parse out. Still, it's nothing that can't be solved by a rewrite focused on fleshing out those specific characters.
Virtues: Strong plot twists, solid concept, could easily be produced on a low budget, marketable genre.
Could be improved: Character motivations. The climax could also stand to be amped up.
In any event, the writer shows a lot of promise and this writing sample definitely deserves a look from potential reps. If you have Black List access and want to read CHAMBERS, go here. I give it an 8/10.
If you get a chance, please read and rate both it and H8RZ. Two ratings make the script eligible for the Top Lists, where the scripts in question garner even more exposure.
Later this week, I'll publish my third review from the Black List loglines.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Black List submission gets a 9! No reason to hate on H8RZ (HATERS)!
I dove into several of the selected Black List scripts this weekend and before long, I found one that I was really, really into. When you're reading professionally, you find yourself getting impatient a lot. As such, most readers develop the habit of glancing at the page number, as if to ask, "I'm only here? How much longer do I have to go?" Before long, one spots a correlation - the lower the page number is the first time you check, the less into the script you are. Similarly, if the reader keeps checking the page number, it's like looking at one's watch in a movie - they're clearly not into it. So it's not unusual to be checking the page number well before page 10, given the relative quality of what I read.
The first time I looked at the page number with H8RZ (HATERS) was on p. 28. And I didn't check it frequently after that. I selected the script because its logline "The lone survivor of a massive school explosion is held against his will while the administration, police and school board appointed lawyer sift through a story of blackmail, cyber-bullying, and murder, to try to figure out exactly what happened" sounded compelling. The script solidly lived up to the promise in that premise, but that's not the first thing that set this apart. No, a big reason why this screenplay stood out was the sheer quality of the writing. Even when the descriptive paragraphs weren't lean, the writing flowed amazingly well. Scene transitions were excellent and you could just feel that you were in the hands of writers who knew what they were doing.
If I put this in a stack with 8 other scripts I read from work and asked five people to read ten pages of each script and then select the one with the strongest writing, I have little doubt this would win hands-down.
Unfortunately I don't get to play kingmaker here because I didn't learn until after I selected this script that writers Derrick Borte and Daniel Forte are already repped by Doug MacLaren at ICM Partners and Amotz Zakai at Echo Lake Management. Borte, who directed THE JONESES, is attached as director as well. The logline had my attention so strongly that I probably would have given it a read even if I'd known this beforehand, but I understand if people are disappointed that it wasn't a total amateur that I'm singling out first.
But there are two important things to take from this - the first is that I could instantly see a difference in the quality of the writing versus the other submissions I had already read. That kind of gives you an idea about how high the bar might be. It also speaks to how many readers can tell if a script has "it" almost immediately. The other thing of note is that these guys already have reps and a director and they still think there's something the Black List can do for them.
But let's get back to the script. As the logline promises, it starts in the aftermath of an explosion at school that has claimed several lives. Only one of the involved students is in any condition to give a statement - a foster kid named Mitchell. Another student is in critical condition and clings to life. The principal's biggest concern is the lawsuit that Mitchell will be able to file against the school since he was injured on their property. He wants the school board rep, Laura Sedgewick, to interview Mitchell about what led up to the explosion. Basically, her job is to find a way to get Mitchell to incriminate himself so when every lawyer in the state calls this kid, he has no grounds for a lawsuit.
(I admit the logic of some of this felt dubious to me. If the lawsuit is the big concern, than why not fear wrongful death suits from the parents of other kids on the scene? The idea might be that Mitchell will say something that makes all the students culpable in their own demise, but I still feel like just implicating Mitchell isn't enough to make those legal issues go away.)
Thus this leads to most of the narrative being told in flashback form, starting with an incident where Mitchell and four other students are disciplined for cheating on a test. The writers do an efficient job of using this scene to establish the group dynamics, underlining that the other four are a lot more privileged than Mitchell. Jack and Carla are the popular couple, with Carla being the type A sort of person who freaks out when she's in trouble. And then there are slacker goof-offs Cameron and Ricky.
This cheating scam could spell doom for all of their post-high school dreams, but Cameron comes up with an idea about how to alter multiple permanent records so that their grades will place them on top. In short, the solution to getting caught cheating is to basically cheat on an even grander scale. The nuts and bolts of this are fairly clever. There's just one problem - someone finds out and starts blackmailing them.
The mysterious blackmailer uses the name "Brittany Tammand" - who was a former student who recently took her own life after being bullied and humiliated relentlessly. Before long, "Brittany" is sending the fivesome on errands for her that include creating false IDs, fraud and embezzlement. The tension builds as the gang tries to figure out who's pulling the strings and there's a major twist late in the script that I didn't see coming at all.
That the script has the balls to go as far as it does is a refreshing surprise. It sent me back through the script to see if there were any obvious holes. In doing so, I realized something else - the script didn't NEED this twist in order to secure my recommendation. Even without it it has all the essentials one looks for in a screenplay: strong pacing, unexpected twists, and vivid, interesting characters.
It's no mean feat to balance five main characters (plus various supporting antagonists) and keep them distinct. The script manages that in a way that gives many of the actors a great deal to work with. I'd love to see who ends up being cast in these parts, but more importantly, I think some of these roles offer great opportunities for unknown actors to establish themselves with these parts. Certain elements will almost certainly play better coming from fresh faces who are free of the baggage of other parts. If it was my film, I'd probably cast more recognizable faces as the adults and attempt to assemble fresh faces as my teen cast.
The other advantage of fresh faces is that they're often cheaper, and this is a film that doesn't need a huge budget to be successful. I'm also very optimistic that if the film can live up to the script, this would be a movie that people will be talking about with their friends after they see it. It's that small indie movie that everyone seems to be telling you to see and you don't understand why until you finally cave in and later exit the theatre saying, "Got it."
I'm giving this a 9. It's one of the best scripts I've seen on the Black List site and I hope it gets some attention. As these writers are already repped, I don't know if there's much I can reasonably expect to come from this review, but I certainly wish them well. I'd love to hear from the writers and get a better sense of what they hope my endorsement can do for them considering they've already got solid reps pushing their material out there.
(I'm sure there are people who will take issue with the fact that the first script I endorsed from this bunch is also the one that happens to be repped by a major agency. I admit I wish I had discovered more of an unknown, but in my career, I've passed on plenty of agency submissions. I'm pretty sure I've passed on stuff submitted by Doug MacLaren, for that matter. So the ICM association doesn't really enter into my rating at all.)
Those of you with Black List access can find H8RZ (HATERS) here.
This is only the beginning. I haven't read all of the eight submissions, but among the scripts I have read so far, there is one more that deserves some notice. Due to the holiday slowdown this week, I'm going to hold that review for next Monday. If there are further scripts deserving of notice, they also will get the spotlight next week.
The first time I looked at the page number with H8RZ (HATERS) was on p. 28. And I didn't check it frequently after that. I selected the script because its logline "The lone survivor of a massive school explosion is held against his will while the administration, police and school board appointed lawyer sift through a story of blackmail, cyber-bullying, and murder, to try to figure out exactly what happened" sounded compelling. The script solidly lived up to the promise in that premise, but that's not the first thing that set this apart. No, a big reason why this screenplay stood out was the sheer quality of the writing. Even when the descriptive paragraphs weren't lean, the writing flowed amazingly well. Scene transitions were excellent and you could just feel that you were in the hands of writers who knew what they were doing.
If I put this in a stack with 8 other scripts I read from work and asked five people to read ten pages of each script and then select the one with the strongest writing, I have little doubt this would win hands-down.
Unfortunately I don't get to play kingmaker here because I didn't learn until after I selected this script that writers Derrick Borte and Daniel Forte are already repped by Doug MacLaren at ICM Partners and Amotz Zakai at Echo Lake Management. Borte, who directed THE JONESES, is attached as director as well. The logline had my attention so strongly that I probably would have given it a read even if I'd known this beforehand, but I understand if people are disappointed that it wasn't a total amateur that I'm singling out first.
But there are two important things to take from this - the first is that I could instantly see a difference in the quality of the writing versus the other submissions I had already read. That kind of gives you an idea about how high the bar might be. It also speaks to how many readers can tell if a script has "it" almost immediately. The other thing of note is that these guys already have reps and a director and they still think there's something the Black List can do for them.
But let's get back to the script. As the logline promises, it starts in the aftermath of an explosion at school that has claimed several lives. Only one of the involved students is in any condition to give a statement - a foster kid named Mitchell. Another student is in critical condition and clings to life. The principal's biggest concern is the lawsuit that Mitchell will be able to file against the school since he was injured on their property. He wants the school board rep, Laura Sedgewick, to interview Mitchell about what led up to the explosion. Basically, her job is to find a way to get Mitchell to incriminate himself so when every lawyer in the state calls this kid, he has no grounds for a lawsuit.
(I admit the logic of some of this felt dubious to me. If the lawsuit is the big concern, than why not fear wrongful death suits from the parents of other kids on the scene? The idea might be that Mitchell will say something that makes all the students culpable in their own demise, but I still feel like just implicating Mitchell isn't enough to make those legal issues go away.)
Thus this leads to most of the narrative being told in flashback form, starting with an incident where Mitchell and four other students are disciplined for cheating on a test. The writers do an efficient job of using this scene to establish the group dynamics, underlining that the other four are a lot more privileged than Mitchell. Jack and Carla are the popular couple, with Carla being the type A sort of person who freaks out when she's in trouble. And then there are slacker goof-offs Cameron and Ricky.
This cheating scam could spell doom for all of their post-high school dreams, but Cameron comes up with an idea about how to alter multiple permanent records so that their grades will place them on top. In short, the solution to getting caught cheating is to basically cheat on an even grander scale. The nuts and bolts of this are fairly clever. There's just one problem - someone finds out and starts blackmailing them.
The mysterious blackmailer uses the name "Brittany Tammand" - who was a former student who recently took her own life after being bullied and humiliated relentlessly. Before long, "Brittany" is sending the fivesome on errands for her that include creating false IDs, fraud and embezzlement. The tension builds as the gang tries to figure out who's pulling the strings and there's a major twist late in the script that I didn't see coming at all.
That the script has the balls to go as far as it does is a refreshing surprise. It sent me back through the script to see if there were any obvious holes. In doing so, I realized something else - the script didn't NEED this twist in order to secure my recommendation. Even without it it has all the essentials one looks for in a screenplay: strong pacing, unexpected twists, and vivid, interesting characters.
It's no mean feat to balance five main characters (plus various supporting antagonists) and keep them distinct. The script manages that in a way that gives many of the actors a great deal to work with. I'd love to see who ends up being cast in these parts, but more importantly, I think some of these roles offer great opportunities for unknown actors to establish themselves with these parts. Certain elements will almost certainly play better coming from fresh faces who are free of the baggage of other parts. If it was my film, I'd probably cast more recognizable faces as the adults and attempt to assemble fresh faces as my teen cast.
The other advantage of fresh faces is that they're often cheaper, and this is a film that doesn't need a huge budget to be successful. I'm also very optimistic that if the film can live up to the script, this would be a movie that people will be talking about with their friends after they see it. It's that small indie movie that everyone seems to be telling you to see and you don't understand why until you finally cave in and later exit the theatre saying, "Got it."
I'm giving this a 9. It's one of the best scripts I've seen on the Black List site and I hope it gets some attention. As these writers are already repped, I don't know if there's much I can reasonably expect to come from this review, but I certainly wish them well. I'd love to hear from the writers and get a better sense of what they hope my endorsement can do for them considering they've already got solid reps pushing their material out there.
(I'm sure there are people who will take issue with the fact that the first script I endorsed from this bunch is also the one that happens to be repped by a major agency. I admit I wish I had discovered more of an unknown, but in my career, I've passed on plenty of agency submissions. I'm pretty sure I've passed on stuff submitted by Doug MacLaren, for that matter. So the ICM association doesn't really enter into my rating at all.)
Those of you with Black List access can find H8RZ (HATERS) here.
This is only the beginning. I haven't read all of the eight submissions, but among the scripts I have read so far, there is one more that deserves some notice. Due to the holiday slowdown this week, I'm going to hold that review for next Monday. If there are further scripts deserving of notice, they also will get the spotlight next week.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Read ALICE OF OZ on The Black List
I always like being able to support my friends' work and use whatever readership my blog has to bring extra attention to their work. However, when it comes to endeavors like submissions to the Black List 3.0, I set a ground rule early on - I wouldn't plug a script on here unless it met my own personal standards. In other words, if I'm not willing to back up a "Go read this" by giving the script a high rating myself, I'm not going to mention it here. I want to support my friends, but I also don't want to waste anyone's time.
This is why you can trust me when I say that my friend Matt Bolish has a great script that he's just uploaded to The Black List 3.0. I've actually been trying to push him to upload it pretty much since the site launched.
The script is called ALICE OF OZ, and as that title might suggest, it deals with the worlds of Oz and Wonderland colliding. More accurately, Wonderland has invaded Oz. The Queen of Hearts has declared all-out and her minions have overrun our favorite land over the rainbow. In a desperate act, the heroes of Oz bring back a now-adult Dorothy Gale in the hopes of turning the tide, but it may already be too late.
I know what you're thinking - another Oz project? Yes, I know that the public domain fairy tales have been exploited to all hell over the last few years. I haven't seen the forthcoming Oz: The Great and Powerful, but from what I know about it, I feel pretty safe in assuring you that ALICE OF OZ is quite different from it. I've also regularly watched Once Upon A Time and though that series also enjoys the conceit of different fairy tales intermingling, Matt takes a different approach.
This is a big budget action-adventure story. It's got epic battles and a lot of fun interaction among the more popular characters of the two stories. It also features not one, but two epic cat fights: the Cowardly Lion vs. the Cheshire Cat, and Dorothy vs. Alice!
Matt conceived this story a few years ago, just ahead of the wave of fairy tale remakes. I still remember the dinner where he started laying out the story. The idea of crossing over Oz and Wonderland intrigued me, and as he recounted the plot, I saw potential in several of the set pieces. As someone who was working on his own Oz story (take that lesson - avoid the public domain) I was mildly miffed that a friend was playing in the same sandbox, but even that was overtaken by my excitement at what he was planning.
Then he hit me with a plot development that left me with nothing to say but, "That's fucking brilliant!" That was quickly followed by annoyance that I wouldn't have the experience of being blindsided by this development when I read the script for myself. And so because of that, I won't spoil the more awesome moments in the latter parts of the story. Instead, I'll merely implore those of you with Black List access to check it out for yourselves.
Matt has another script up on the Black List - an action-thriller called ABERRANT INTELLIGENCE. It centers on the Information Control Officers of Aberrant Intelligence - the clean-up crew that deals with paranormal phenomena and makes it possible for the rest of us to live our lives in blissfull ignorance. When a scientific breakthrough activates an ancient power that could bring about the end of humanity, it's up to them to contain the threat, even as dark forces of a secret order threaten to exploit it.
As I write this, ABBERANT INTELLIGENCE is sitting in 6th place on the "Top Uploaded Scripts" list. So if you're a Black List member, take some time this week and check out Matt's work.
This is why you can trust me when I say that my friend Matt Bolish has a great script that he's just uploaded to The Black List 3.0. I've actually been trying to push him to upload it pretty much since the site launched.
The script is called ALICE OF OZ, and as that title might suggest, it deals with the worlds of Oz and Wonderland colliding. More accurately, Wonderland has invaded Oz. The Queen of Hearts has declared all-out and her minions have overrun our favorite land over the rainbow. In a desperate act, the heroes of Oz bring back a now-adult Dorothy Gale in the hopes of turning the tide, but it may already be too late.
I know what you're thinking - another Oz project? Yes, I know that the public domain fairy tales have been exploited to all hell over the last few years. I haven't seen the forthcoming Oz: The Great and Powerful, but from what I know about it, I feel pretty safe in assuring you that ALICE OF OZ is quite different from it. I've also regularly watched Once Upon A Time and though that series also enjoys the conceit of different fairy tales intermingling, Matt takes a different approach.
This is a big budget action-adventure story. It's got epic battles and a lot of fun interaction among the more popular characters of the two stories. It also features not one, but two epic cat fights: the Cowardly Lion vs. the Cheshire Cat, and Dorothy vs. Alice!
Matt conceived this story a few years ago, just ahead of the wave of fairy tale remakes. I still remember the dinner where he started laying out the story. The idea of crossing over Oz and Wonderland intrigued me, and as he recounted the plot, I saw potential in several of the set pieces. As someone who was working on his own Oz story (take that lesson - avoid the public domain) I was mildly miffed that a friend was playing in the same sandbox, but even that was overtaken by my excitement at what he was planning.
Then he hit me with a plot development that left me with nothing to say but, "That's fucking brilliant!" That was quickly followed by annoyance that I wouldn't have the experience of being blindsided by this development when I read the script for myself. And so because of that, I won't spoil the more awesome moments in the latter parts of the story. Instead, I'll merely implore those of you with Black List access to check it out for yourselves.
Matt has another script up on the Black List - an action-thriller called ABERRANT INTELLIGENCE. It centers on the Information Control Officers of Aberrant Intelligence - the clean-up crew that deals with paranormal phenomena and makes it possible for the rest of us to live our lives in blissfull ignorance. When a scientific breakthrough activates an ancient power that could bring about the end of humanity, it's up to them to contain the threat, even as dark forces of a secret order threaten to exploit it.
As I write this, ABBERANT INTELLIGENCE is sitting in 6th place on the "Top Uploaded Scripts" list. So if you're a Black List member, take some time this week and check out Matt's work.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Check out DEAD CORPS on the Black List website
I got through another chunk of Black List 3.0 scripts and I'm very pleased to report one script kept me turning pages all the way through. In fact, it even ended up at Consider-worthy level. There are a couple things I want to reiterate before I get to discussing the script in brief.
First, I was very, very excited by a lot of the loglines I saw in this batch. There were some clever ideas and also some new spins on familiar genres. Of the 17 or so I read this time, probably at least half were scripts I was eager to dive in after seeing the logline. So good job getting me on your side before I opened the script.
Second, I think the problem with.... you know what? I'm not comfortable with the term "problem." Let's try this again. For me, (ahhh, now I get why Randy Jackson always starts critiques this way) the reason why I didn't get past p. 30 or 45 on some of those often had a lot to do with the script coasting a little too long. There were some choices made that were perhaps a little too safe. In other cases, I got a good portion of the way into the script and it didn't feel like a movie to me. And I know that's a bullshit critique - so again I urge all of you, keep writing. This is just ONE person's rejection. And a person who can't even take the time to provide you with detailed notes.
Third... if at all possible, I'd like to keep a tone of positivity in the comments here. I know that the script I'm about to announce is probably not going to be everyone's cup of tea. All I ask is for an open mind.
The script in question is called DEAD CORPS, from writer Christopher Hinz. This is evidently based on a DC Comics series written by Hinz, though I must admit, I'm unfamiliar with the comic.
Logline: A murdered cop, restored to life by technology, is torn between living and reanimated girlfriends while trying to stop his killers from murdering him again.
Yes, we're dealing with a zombie script. And a zombie script based on a comic book at that. Those are two of the most overdone genres in development. Believe me, I know how this looks. So without giving away too many spoilers, let me explain how this script rose to the top. (And yes, since this script isn't out there to the general public, I'm going to be very vague when discussing the plot.)
1) It created a textured, believable world. In this society, post-mortum reanimation is commonplace enough that the revived zombies, or "Transmortums" are their own social class, and an oppressed social class at that. It sort of reminds me of how Mutants are regarded in the X-Men movies, and while that's familiar, the script keeps tossing in little touches that show the ripple effect of this change throughout society. I think a frequent failing of scripts that put supernatural elements in "the real world" is that there isn't enough time spent on creating those ripples. In fact, I see franchise potential here because the script leaves open a lot of loose threads introduced as part of this world.
2) Lots of motion, lots of visual action. This is where I think the script benefits from being adapted from a comic. Even with exposition moments, the script rarely falls into a rut where scene after scene mostly deals with characters talking to each other.
3) Strong turning points. The end of the first act is when our hero - who is a Special Agent who's charged with enforcing the "Transmortum Civil Rights Act" - is killed and then revived as a Transmortum himself. Yes, it's fairly inevitable, but it's also a great character irony to play with. But the scene that really got my attention is a twist that came around p. 55. I'd rather not spoil it, but a new element was introduced to the story and it really got my attention. I'm not sure if the way that detail is handled in the final five pages or so makes for a satisfying resolution, though. My gut reaction is that could stand to be fixed, but it hits close enough to the mark that I'm not going to doff it too much.
For much of this script's run, it was gunning for an 8 rating, as my giddiness wore off, I started feeling like 7 might be more appropriate and after writing this review, I'm left with the sense that 7.5 is about right. But we've gotta work with whole numbers and out of fairness to the writer, I'm gonna round up.
A word about the remaining scripts - I haven't put a stop to this in the original thread, but several people have continued to post loglines there. Per the instructions I posted, I'm only reading what was submitted before the deadline. Why haven't I told people to stop posting? Because I've heard firsthand of managers scoping out those loglines and actually reading some of the submitted scripts on their own initiative. My feeling is that it can't hurt you guys to have your loglines posted in a public place.
That said, I had 74 scripts submitted before the deadline and as of this writing, I'm in the early 50s. probably going to be a couple more weeks before I'm fully caught up. I'm already thinking about different ways to approach doing something like this early next year, so if you didn't get read this time, keep your eyes open.
Those of you with Black List access, check it DEAD CORPS here.
For my reaction to the first 25 submissions and an endorsement of MCCARTHY, go here.
First, I was very, very excited by a lot of the loglines I saw in this batch. There were some clever ideas and also some new spins on familiar genres. Of the 17 or so I read this time, probably at least half were scripts I was eager to dive in after seeing the logline. So good job getting me on your side before I opened the script.
Second, I think the problem with.... you know what? I'm not comfortable with the term "problem." Let's try this again. For me, (ahhh, now I get why Randy Jackson always starts critiques this way) the reason why I didn't get past p. 30 or 45 on some of those often had a lot to do with the script coasting a little too long. There were some choices made that were perhaps a little too safe. In other cases, I got a good portion of the way into the script and it didn't feel like a movie to me. And I know that's a bullshit critique - so again I urge all of you, keep writing. This is just ONE person's rejection. And a person who can't even take the time to provide you with detailed notes.
Third... if at all possible, I'd like to keep a tone of positivity in the comments here. I know that the script I'm about to announce is probably not going to be everyone's cup of tea. All I ask is for an open mind.
The script in question is called DEAD CORPS, from writer Christopher Hinz. This is evidently based on a DC Comics series written by Hinz, though I must admit, I'm unfamiliar with the comic.
Logline: A murdered cop, restored to life by technology, is torn between living and reanimated girlfriends while trying to stop his killers from murdering him again.
Yes, we're dealing with a zombie script. And a zombie script based on a comic book at that. Those are two of the most overdone genres in development. Believe me, I know how this looks. So without giving away too many spoilers, let me explain how this script rose to the top. (And yes, since this script isn't out there to the general public, I'm going to be very vague when discussing the plot.)
1) It created a textured, believable world. In this society, post-mortum reanimation is commonplace enough that the revived zombies, or "Transmortums" are their own social class, and an oppressed social class at that. It sort of reminds me of how Mutants are regarded in the X-Men movies, and while that's familiar, the script keeps tossing in little touches that show the ripple effect of this change throughout society. I think a frequent failing of scripts that put supernatural elements in "the real world" is that there isn't enough time spent on creating those ripples. In fact, I see franchise potential here because the script leaves open a lot of loose threads introduced as part of this world.
2) Lots of motion, lots of visual action. This is where I think the script benefits from being adapted from a comic. Even with exposition moments, the script rarely falls into a rut where scene after scene mostly deals with characters talking to each other.
3) Strong turning points. The end of the first act is when our hero - who is a Special Agent who's charged with enforcing the "Transmortum Civil Rights Act" - is killed and then revived as a Transmortum himself. Yes, it's fairly inevitable, but it's also a great character irony to play with. But the scene that really got my attention is a twist that came around p. 55. I'd rather not spoil it, but a new element was introduced to the story and it really got my attention. I'm not sure if the way that detail is handled in the final five pages or so makes for a satisfying resolution, though. My gut reaction is that could stand to be fixed, but it hits close enough to the mark that I'm not going to doff it too much.
For much of this script's run, it was gunning for an 8 rating, as my giddiness wore off, I started feeling like 7 might be more appropriate and after writing this review, I'm left with the sense that 7.5 is about right. But we've gotta work with whole numbers and out of fairness to the writer, I'm gonna round up.
A word about the remaining scripts - I haven't put a stop to this in the original thread, but several people have continued to post loglines there. Per the instructions I posted, I'm only reading what was submitted before the deadline. Why haven't I told people to stop posting? Because I've heard firsthand of managers scoping out those loglines and actually reading some of the submitted scripts on their own initiative. My feeling is that it can't hurt you guys to have your loglines posted in a public place.
That said, I had 74 scripts submitted before the deadline and as of this writing, I'm in the early 50s. probably going to be a couple more weeks before I'm fully caught up. I'm already thinking about different ways to approach doing something like this early next year, so if you didn't get read this time, keep your eyes open.
Those of you with Black List access, check it DEAD CORPS here.
For my reaction to the first 25 submissions and an endorsement of MCCARTHY, go here.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Read MCCARTHY on the Black List site! And an update on the other submissions
Well, I made it through the first 25 scripts that were submitted to my post on Black List 3.0. I have to admit, the response was far beyond anything I expected. I wasn't sure 25 people would even take me up on the offer, let alone the 60+ requests currently sitting in the comment thread of the earlier post.
I want to say right off the bat that I was somewhat impressed with the overall level of writing that I saw in those 25 submissions. I've read for a contest or two and I've got plenty of experience with amateur-level submissions, so a part of me fully expected to be screaming "Oh dear God! Why did I sign up for this!" well before I got through ten submissions. As a group, you guys are far more promising than most of the people submitting to contests and I saw blessedly little of the horrible newbie mistakes that drive me to drink.
Upon reflection, that makes sense. The people responding fastest to my offer were more likely to be regular readers of my blog. Thus, it's a good sign that what I've been bitching about for four years has really sunk in with you people. For starters, I don't think I recall a single gratuitous mention of a woman's cleavage.
Of the 25, I think there might have only been two - perhaps three - scripts where I knew within a few pages that this was going to be a pass. I expected at least a third of the scripts would have me stopping after a few pages to ask, "wait, what did I just read?" So good work in not embarrassing yourselves.
I promised everyone I'd give them ten pages. More than half of you had me intrigued enough to keep going further, just to see if your execution showed signs of living up to your concept, or just to see if you could sustain some of the positives of your script. I'd say at least fifteen of you got me to page 20 and at least 8 of you had me reading past p. 35. I considered announcing which scripts had me reading deeper into them, but I realized that probably wouldn't be helpful. In some cases, it was the concept that kept me going, only for me to realize by p. 60 that things were being developed too conventionally or too slowly. In other cases, a script started with a very strong first act, only to meander in the second act long enough that I knew it wouldn't be a high consider. So I didn't want to leave anyone with the impression "You had me until p. 44, but p. 45 is where you fucked up, so fix that."
This is because I wasn't just looking for "okay" writing, or "decent" writing - I was looking for strong writing. More than that - I was looking for a strong script. After all, giving a good review to the script is like throwing up a flare on that specific idea. Those of you guys with stronger concepts obviously had a distinct advantage here - especially those of you who communicated those concepts well in your logline. Generic or familiar-sounding ideas had me less enthused from the start, but there were plenty of loglines that had me thinking "I can't wait to see how they develop THAT!" (Not coincidentally, those were the writers who often got 30 pages or so to make their case.)
The flip side to this is that there were a number of concepts that faced an uphill battle with me for one reason or another. In some cases, the issue was that the story was just too mundane or "small." In other cases, the factor was a genre I didn't have a particular affinity for. For instance, I'm not a huge Western fan - but at least two Westerns got me to page 25 or further. I bring this up to underline that just because I didn't respond to a particualar idea, it doesn't follow that everyone will be as apathetic.
I was reading these submissions specifically with an eye to finding scripts that would rate at 8, 9 or 10. I wanted to find the real undiscovered gems that could stand up to scrutiny once passed into professional hands. I'm optimistic that there are a lot of 6s in those submissions, and 6s that could easily make it to a rating of 7 or even 8 with some rewriting.
Also, one writer let me know via Twitter that he'd seen a marked uptick in traffic to his script and even heard from an agent after submitting his submission in the comment thread last week. He seemed to believe that there was a direct connection between the two, and while I'd love to crow about that, I've not seen many instances of reps following up on material promoted on my site before. (Having said that, traffic was WAY up on Friday.) But if anyone else has something like that happen, please let us know, okay?
But what you really want to know is did I find that undiscovered gem? Yes - sort of. MCCARTHY by Justin Kremer was the clear winner in this showdown of the first 25 scripts. In some ways I'm surprised and some ways I'm not. This script was spotlit in an email the Black List sent out last week to all their professional users, following a very positive evaluation from one of the Black List readers. Also, the Black List algorithm predicted that I'd rate this script as an 8.3, which is more or less accurate.
Beyond that, I'm not big on political scripts. Despite COLLEGE REPUBLICANS being #1 on the Black List two years ago, I wasn't really a fan of it. So it's not like I'm predisposed to the material - plus I had to look at COLLEGE REPUBLICANS through the marketability lens, and political material is kind of a powder keg these days. My feeling is Repulican viewers would claim that the film was an unfair, propeganda-driven hatchet job on Karl Rove (oh, the irony!) while Democratic viewers would take issue with the fact that it doesn't depict Rove as half the sub-human pond scum we know him to be.
(And if you take issue with that characterization, look up what the man did to John McCain in the 2000 primary election. It was a vile, evil act of race-bating that not only relied on the worst elements of his party, but in fact fed those fires to make those elements a dominating force in that party. I've always loved Cindy McCain for saying, "No, I'd stab him in the front," after being asked if she ever would be tempted to stab Rove in the back.)
But a bio-pic of noted asshole and Senator Joe McCarthy is a different prospect, because nearly everyone with half a brain agrees that McCarthy's anti-Communist witch hunts were an horrific abuse of power and a dark time in our nation's history. (Those lacking that half a brain can be discovered here.) But there's something fascinating about exploring a person who more or less branded himself as a larger-than-life defender of freedom while basically making his name synonymous with the most egregious and repugnant forms of political grandstanding.
This is not only a well-written, well-paced script - it has what every script needs: a fantastic villain. One scene in particular stands out, about 30 pages in, McCarthy's grandstanding has already begun to make waves. A campaigning Dwight Eisenhower is so disgusted by his actions, he doesn't even want to be photographed with him. Instead, the Presidential candidate requests a private meeting with the Senator, during which he essentially says "The fuck?!" and "No, seriously... the fuck?!" He basically tells McCarthy that he doesn't agree with what the Senator stands for and isn't scared to say that in public. He demands McCarthy apologize to the people he's hurt and McCarthy's response can pretty much be translated as, "Eh, bite me" and "Suck it, Ike."
So McCarthy has to introduce Eisenhower at a rally and he does just that and only that. No puffed up speech. No "I endorse this guy." Pretty much "Here he is. He's running for President." And then the amazing thing happens. Eisenhower comes out ... and basically endorses everything that the slimy Senator stands for.
That set of scenes alone ensured that I was gonna stick around to see Jackass Joe run out of town on a rail when the the wheel of fortune eventually turned against him.
Those of you with Black List access can find McCarthy here.
I'll gradually work my way through the other submissions. November's a busy month for me and I know I won't be able to blow through 25 scripts as fast as I did before. I'm still optimistic I can find one really good script that hasn't yet been spot-lit by Black List readers. I recognize that to pull that off, I'm going to need to move fast though. I'll keep you guys updated as I go.
I want to say right off the bat that I was somewhat impressed with the overall level of writing that I saw in those 25 submissions. I've read for a contest or two and I've got plenty of experience with amateur-level submissions, so a part of me fully expected to be screaming "Oh dear God! Why did I sign up for this!" well before I got through ten submissions. As a group, you guys are far more promising than most of the people submitting to contests and I saw blessedly little of the horrible newbie mistakes that drive me to drink.
Upon reflection, that makes sense. The people responding fastest to my offer were more likely to be regular readers of my blog. Thus, it's a good sign that what I've been bitching about for four years has really sunk in with you people. For starters, I don't think I recall a single gratuitous mention of a woman's cleavage.
Of the 25, I think there might have only been two - perhaps three - scripts where I knew within a few pages that this was going to be a pass. I expected at least a third of the scripts would have me stopping after a few pages to ask, "wait, what did I just read?" So good work in not embarrassing yourselves.
I promised everyone I'd give them ten pages. More than half of you had me intrigued enough to keep going further, just to see if your execution showed signs of living up to your concept, or just to see if you could sustain some of the positives of your script. I'd say at least fifteen of you got me to page 20 and at least 8 of you had me reading past p. 35. I considered announcing which scripts had me reading deeper into them, but I realized that probably wouldn't be helpful. In some cases, it was the concept that kept me going, only for me to realize by p. 60 that things were being developed too conventionally or too slowly. In other cases, a script started with a very strong first act, only to meander in the second act long enough that I knew it wouldn't be a high consider. So I didn't want to leave anyone with the impression "You had me until p. 44, but p. 45 is where you fucked up, so fix that."
This is because I wasn't just looking for "okay" writing, or "decent" writing - I was looking for strong writing. More than that - I was looking for a strong script. After all, giving a good review to the script is like throwing up a flare on that specific idea. Those of you guys with stronger concepts obviously had a distinct advantage here - especially those of you who communicated those concepts well in your logline. Generic or familiar-sounding ideas had me less enthused from the start, but there were plenty of loglines that had me thinking "I can't wait to see how they develop THAT!" (Not coincidentally, those were the writers who often got 30 pages or so to make their case.)
The flip side to this is that there were a number of concepts that faced an uphill battle with me for one reason or another. In some cases, the issue was that the story was just too mundane or "small." In other cases, the factor was a genre I didn't have a particular affinity for. For instance, I'm not a huge Western fan - but at least two Westerns got me to page 25 or further. I bring this up to underline that just because I didn't respond to a particualar idea, it doesn't follow that everyone will be as apathetic.
I was reading these submissions specifically with an eye to finding scripts that would rate at 8, 9 or 10. I wanted to find the real undiscovered gems that could stand up to scrutiny once passed into professional hands. I'm optimistic that there are a lot of 6s in those submissions, and 6s that could easily make it to a rating of 7 or even 8 with some rewriting.
Also, one writer let me know via Twitter that he'd seen a marked uptick in traffic to his script and even heard from an agent after submitting his submission in the comment thread last week. He seemed to believe that there was a direct connection between the two, and while I'd love to crow about that, I've not seen many instances of reps following up on material promoted on my site before. (Having said that, traffic was WAY up on Friday.) But if anyone else has something like that happen, please let us know, okay?
But what you really want to know is did I find that undiscovered gem? Yes - sort of. MCCARTHY by Justin Kremer was the clear winner in this showdown of the first 25 scripts. In some ways I'm surprised and some ways I'm not. This script was spotlit in an email the Black List sent out last week to all their professional users, following a very positive evaluation from one of the Black List readers. Also, the Black List algorithm predicted that I'd rate this script as an 8.3, which is more or less accurate.
Beyond that, I'm not big on political scripts. Despite COLLEGE REPUBLICANS being #1 on the Black List two years ago, I wasn't really a fan of it. So it's not like I'm predisposed to the material - plus I had to look at COLLEGE REPUBLICANS through the marketability lens, and political material is kind of a powder keg these days. My feeling is Repulican viewers would claim that the film was an unfair, propeganda-driven hatchet job on Karl Rove (oh, the irony!) while Democratic viewers would take issue with the fact that it doesn't depict Rove as half the sub-human pond scum we know him to be.
(And if you take issue with that characterization, look up what the man did to John McCain in the 2000 primary election. It was a vile, evil act of race-bating that not only relied on the worst elements of his party, but in fact fed those fires to make those elements a dominating force in that party. I've always loved Cindy McCain for saying, "No, I'd stab him in the front," after being asked if she ever would be tempted to stab Rove in the back.)
But a bio-pic of noted asshole and Senator Joe McCarthy is a different prospect, because nearly everyone with half a brain agrees that McCarthy's anti-Communist witch hunts were an horrific abuse of power and a dark time in our nation's history. (Those lacking that half a brain can be discovered here.) But there's something fascinating about exploring a person who more or less branded himself as a larger-than-life defender of freedom while basically making his name synonymous with the most egregious and repugnant forms of political grandstanding.
This is not only a well-written, well-paced script - it has what every script needs: a fantastic villain. One scene in particular stands out, about 30 pages in, McCarthy's grandstanding has already begun to make waves. A campaigning Dwight Eisenhower is so disgusted by his actions, he doesn't even want to be photographed with him. Instead, the Presidential candidate requests a private meeting with the Senator, during which he essentially says "The fuck?!" and "No, seriously... the fuck?!" He basically tells McCarthy that he doesn't agree with what the Senator stands for and isn't scared to say that in public. He demands McCarthy apologize to the people he's hurt and McCarthy's response can pretty much be translated as, "Eh, bite me" and "Suck it, Ike."
So McCarthy has to introduce Eisenhower at a rally and he does just that and only that. No puffed up speech. No "I endorse this guy." Pretty much "Here he is. He's running for President." And then the amazing thing happens. Eisenhower comes out ... and basically endorses everything that the slimy Senator stands for.
That set of scenes alone ensured that I was gonna stick around to see Jackass Joe run out of town on a rail when the the wheel of fortune eventually turned against him.
Those of you with Black List access can find McCarthy here.
I'll gradually work my way through the other submissions. November's a busy month for me and I know I won't be able to blow through 25 scripts as fast as I did before. I'm still optimistic I can find one really good script that hasn't yet been spot-lit by Black List readers. I recognize that to pull that off, I'm going to need to move fast though. I'll keep you guys updated as I go.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
EXCLUSIVE ! "Wonder Woman" script review!
Settle in kids, because I'm about to do something new. Through a contact at mine whom I can't even allude to, I have gotten a copy of the new script for Wonder Woman, which the good people at Warners have been trying to get off the ground forever! There was briefly some momentum on it about four years ago when writing god Joss Whedon was attached to it, but after his take failed to gain any heat, the project quietly slunk back into development hell.
For those who don't know, DC Comics recently underwent a restructuring and as part of this, parent company Warner Brothers created DC Entertainment, which is "charged with strategically integrating the DC Comics business, brand and characters deeply into Warner Bros. Entertainment and all its content and distribution businesses." Green Lantern was already in pre-production at that point, and recent rumblings have indicated some new movement on new films featuring Superman and the Flash, but nothing about Wonder Woman.
Until now.
This draft is dated Jan 2010, and it's got the usual studio codes and watermarks all over this thing. Odds are they can trace a specific code back to a specific person, so do not email me asking to see this copy. I really can't afford to get my contact in trouble. Given the secrecy attached to this project, he'd (or she) would probably be fired even if Warners just suspected they were the leak. If they had proof, this individual would have to leave the business altogether. I know Whedon's writing when I see it, so I can say that if this is a rewrite of whatever Whedon turned in there's probably less of him in this than in X-Men. There's no screenwriter on the title page, unless you could the obvious nom de plume of "Billy Marston." (Wonder Woman's creator is William Moulton Marston.)
Given that a writer has 12 weeks to turn in a studio draft, that would mean that if this was turned in the last week of January that the contract was likely started in late October. DC Entertainment was announced on September 9, so while there's time for this to have been rushed into development after that, I'd guess this was in the works slightly longer. Thus, there's always the chance that DC Ent gave notes on this similar to what I will.
Wonder Woman is a tough character to crack, as there's so much backstory to the Amazons that one must wade through before one even gets to how Princess Diana becomes Wonder Woman. In fact, to set up Amazon culture right could take 15 minutes to a half-hour. Maybe in the 70s, audiences were willing to wait almost an hour to see Christopher Reeve as Superman, but that's not gonna fly here.
Thus, the first thing in the script is a long voiceover/montage that covers about five pages. It's been ages since I saw Fellowship of the Ring, but a voice buzzing in the back of my mind tells me that it's like this. Here's the Cliff Notes of the montage - the Amazons were warrior women chosen by the Goddess Hera and rewarded for their faith in her with eternal life. They were isolationists, but not unwelcoming to men... until Hercules came with his men.
(Side note - they fuck up the pantheons here. If Hera is the goddess, then the demi-god should be Heracleas.)
As one of his labors, Hercules sought to get the Golden Girdle of Hippolyta, the Queen of the Amazons. In this version, he's acting at the behest of Ares, God of War, which seems like an odd choice until later in the script. Hercules seduces the Queen, as his men did likewise with the other Amazons, then enslaves them all. It's also made disturbingly clear that they rape the Amazons too. It's just a few lines in a montage (as is everything I've described so far), but the voiceover from a character we soon learn is Hippolyta makes it clear these violations happen.
I get why they did this, but I wish they hadn't, as it leads to some really screwed up stuff later.
Anyway, the Amazons pray to their goddess for help and she grants them the strength to break their bonds. However, as a penance, they must always wear the wrist bracelets to remind them of their bondage. Should those bracelets ever be chained again, the Amazon will lose all her strength and the will to resist. Hera offers Hippolyta and her followers the refuge of an island that cannot be easily discovered, where they will remain safe from the outside world. Hippolyta accepts it and many of the Amazons follow... but not all of them.
A splinter group of Amazons, lead by Hippolyta's own sister decline to go into isolation, renouncing their immortality and their faith in Hera. Mostly though, they seem ticked at Hippolyta's leadership, which lead to them all being taken prisoner in the first place.
All of that is in the first ten pages. Enough backstory to choke a horse, but we're not even done yet. Hippolyta tells us that after several centuries in isolation, she began to long for a child. She even sculpts a child out of the clay of one of the beaches, and the God's of Olympus grant her life. Demeter gives her power and strength, Hermes speed and flight, Aphrodite gives her beauty, Athena gives her wisdom, and Artemis gives her the eye of the hunter.
Thus is born Princess Diana.
Wonder what it must have been like to be the only child on an island full of women who are eternally in their twenties and thirties and look like supermodels? Well, too bad.. we don't get any of that. Hippolyta's voiceover is revealed as part of a ceremony in which a now adult Diana (she's described as "early 20s") at last receives her ceremonial bracelets. Seems like this is the sort of thing that might have been done when she was younger, but I'll go with it.
There are two ways one could go with the premise of an innocent born onto an island of man-haters. She could be Ariel from The Little Mermaid, curious about the outside world, and perhaps even optimistic that men really aren't as bad as the legends say. Or she could totally drink the Kool-Aid and be utterly mistrustful of men on sight, convinced that any man who sees her is prepared to enslave her as her sisters were once enslaved.
Unfortunately, the script goes the latter route. The first time through this really ticked me off in the first act because all the hope and optimism that Diana is supposed to represent in the comics are replaced with a woman who's been as brainwashed by the anti-man propaganda as the Hitler Youth were by the Third Reich. After reading the rest of the script, I get why they went this way - it gives Diana an arc where she can go from hating men to embracing the outside world and even growing close to a man. In script-writing terms, I get it.
But it's not Wonder Woman. And it's a HUGE turn off to the character for nearly half the script.
Diana's out swimming alone one day when she witnesses the crash of a military plane flown by Col. Steve Trevor. Steve bails out and parachutes to the beach of the Amazon's island, whereupon he has a Meet Cute with Diana that basically consists of her accusing him of being the vanguard of an invasion and kicking his ass. Steve doesn't help matters with a cocky, flirtatious attitude from the start, but he doesn't make any aggressive moves. Diana basically beats him up for leering at her.
Side note about Steve: he's one of the script's bright spots, sort of a cross between Han Solo and Tom Cruise in Top Gun. In the comics, Steve tends to be bland but here he's written as a womanizing daredevil who doesn't take any shit. Maybe it's that he keeps taking the piss out of Diana, but he's a lot of fun.
Anyway, the Amazons prepare to interrogate Steve when Hera appears in a vision. Somehow, she intuits that Steve's presence there is actually the result of a scheme that the evil god Ares has against her and the Amazons. To her credit, Hera is disgusted by the aggression and violence her charges display to the first man they've seen in centuries, and instead offers a Golden Lasso, which will non-violently compel Steve to tell the truth. Her harshest words are directed at Diana, saying that the girl has a lot to learn and while the others have the "excuse" of having been victims before, she's lived a pampered life of privilege so there's no excuse for her aggression. A look passes between Hera and the Queen here, and Hipployta herself seems concerned about what her daughter has become.
Steve has no knowledge of this Ares and says he was just following orders. Hera is certain that the influence of Ares clouds his actions, but sensing him to be a decent man, orders Hippolyta to release him. Hippolyta decrees that they will send an Ambassador to return Steve to his world and then investigate what influence, if any Ares has over Steve's people. Naturally, Diana is chosen as that Ambassador, and Hera even supplies her with Amazonian armor that is redesigned to reflect the colors and symbols of Steve's homeland.
Yeah, the famed Wonder Woman bathing suit costume is reimagined. It's described as being like the armor of a Roman warrior, with a metal WW/eagle breast emblem atop a red leather corset, golden girdle, and warrior skirt in dark blue. Red leather boots top off the outfit while the tiara seems to be explained as part of Diana's everyday wear. There's no design art included, but the costume sounds like a decent interpretation of the outfit as warrior gear with the inherent silliness of the comic outfit. Take one look at Lynda Carter's outfit on the TV series to see how well that would work by modern standards.
So we're into the second act and suddenly the film becomes a bit of a romantic comedy. Diana flies Steve home but the trip is soon interrupted by a mid-air disaster. Due to poor air traffic control, a commuter jet wanders into a training exercise (we later learn that this military exercise was off-the-books and unofficial, giving a little more reason for how this happens.) Steve convinces Diana that she has to save the plane, and though the whole setpiece is perhaps WAY too close to Superman Returns, it does give Diana a very public superhero debut.
While everyone is buzzing about who this "Wonder Woman" is Steve somehow gets her a job as his assistant (pilots have secretaries? Who knew?) despite the fact she has no social security number and no ID. (There's passing mention of "a friend at the CIA" helping him get her credentials, but a LOT of this is hard to swallow, even if it is relatively faithful to how it works in the comics.)
Aside from Diana biting Steve's head off at every turn (predictably she chafes when asked to do assistant tasks like getting coffee and filing), the script turns into a fish-out-of-water story for a lot of the second act. There are some funny bits - and many dumb ones. There's another secretary at the military base who might as well have stepped right out of Sex & The City. This scene mainly exists to hang a lantern on the fact that Diana's a virgin (duh!) and that she finds the very idea of the act repugnant.
This actually could have been a funny idea, putting the virginal Wonder Woman up against a Samantha-type. What keeps it from working is the subtext that Diana equates sex with rape. It's a can of worms that could have easily been avoided by merely having Hercules simply take the Amazons prisoner. But more on this later.
There are also the predictable "Diana gets amazed by our culture" jokes. Most of these fall flat, with the low point being when she turns to MTV and sees Beyonce's "Single Ladies" video. At first it seems like the scene is content to play out with a dry remark from Diana about how the dancing reminds her of some of the more juvenile rituals on her island, but it goes south when she starts studying the dance moves. (And since when did MTV play music videos?)
The payoff for this is when the assistant drags her out for a girls night at the club, and we're "treated" to a "comedy" scene of Diana dancing to "Single Ladies" like in the video. It's like the "Thriller" moment in 13 Going on 30, only even more embarrassing. Given how dated this would make the film, I'm praying it's a placeholder for another gag.
There is a nice moment in here, though. As Diana departs from her Girl's Night, she hears cries from a nearby apartment. A woman is being beaten by her husband and while it's clear many people on the street (and probably a few of the neighbors) can hear her cries, no one moves to help her. Donning her armor, Diana smashes through a wall of the building and deals with the abuser. It's a nice moment of heroism.
Alongside this, the main plot develops. Steve has a battleaxe boss named Col. Artemis, and that name should be a tip-off to any fans of Wonder Woman comics in the last 15 years that she's a descendant of the splinter group of the Amazons who left all those years ago. In a nutshell, she tells her men that they're looking for a terrorist cell that has been operating off a hard-to-find Island somewhere in the Atlantic. With what Steve (and we) know, it doesn't take long to figure out she's trying to find the Amazons' island.
Fed up with Steve's failed efforts to charm Artemis, Diana breaks into her office and looks for evidence. She gets more than she bargained for when a "Gorgon" attacks her. She fights off the Gorgon in another spectacular battle, but ends up trashing the place. At the same time, Artemis thugs to "persuade" Steve to tell the truth about Diana and reveal what really happened on his mission. His cover story of how he managed to avoid going down with his ship isn't holding water.
Steve fights off these thugs, but an interesting thing happens when he returns to his apartment. Diana has been crashing at his place and while she fills him in about her recent fight, more of Artemis' men break in. One of them draws a gun and when Diana doesn't freeze, he fires. Steve leaps on the man, in the process putting himself in the path of the next shot. He reacts so instinctively, he doesn't see Diana deflect the bullet with her bracelet. Fortunately, it's just a flesh wound, but Diana is impressed that Steve would have risked his life for her.
They try to interrogate the assailant, but he bursts into flames the instant the lasso is put on him. Somehow, Diana knows this means Ares is involved. She and Steve have a bonding moment, and by now it's clear that Man's World has softened Diana a bit... but that's still no set-up for what happens next.
Diana and Steve have sex.
That sound you just heard was about a hundred message boards opening up into rants about Wonder Woman and virginity. There is probably not a single DC Comics bulletin board where this subject doesn't come up regularly, and it always gets ugly and ends badly. It usually comes down to a fight between posters who will argue that only certain characters are worthy of sleeping with Diana, or that with her history she should remain eternally celibate. On the other side of the issue are posters who find the very suggestion of Wonder Woman's celibacy offensive and argue that it's a sexist, repressive attitude that runs counter to the powerful feminist message that Wonder Woman offers.
(It is funny how in comics, every other female character can date, and few readers will read into it and try to make some sort of sexual political issue out of it. But the instant Diana even flirts with a guy, the message boards explode! Not sure why that is. To be fair, somewhere along the way there seems to have been a story where it was implied that if Diana ever slept with a man, it would cost her her powers.)
In short, any writer who tiptoes near Wonder Woman's sex life is playing with fire. You think people had a problem with Superman having a kid out of wedlock? Just wait until this hits theatres. Jon Peters' giant spider has nothing on this plot twist.
Anyway, I get what they're trying to do with this -bring Diana full circle from hating men to embracing intimacy with them. If it wasn't so ham-fisted (and better developed along the way) it might have worked. Chalk it up to first draft-itis.
The next day, Steve and Diana report for work with plans to go over Artemis' head. Before they know what's going on, Artemis has them arrested. Steve inadvertently seals their fate when he urges Diana to cooperate and not reveal herself - and then she's promptly handcuffed over her bracelets. That's enough to sap her of her strength and her will to resist. Though Steve endures interrogation without giving up the island, Diana tells Artemis what she wants to know, much to her own horror and Steve's.
I'm not wild about the bondage stuff being put back in, but at least it's being used for something.
With Steve and Diana prisoner, Artemis launches an attack on the island. She reveals to her captives that - as I said before - she's a descendant of Diana's aunt... and a consort of Ares. Ares had been biding his time for centuries, trying to get revenge on the Amazons for humbling Hercules and his men. When Artemis joined the military, he became aware of her and revealed himself to her. In the process, he showed her the truth about her own past and now the two have teamed up to wipe out the Amazons and steal whatever power the gods left them to possess.
Meanwhile, Ares pulls off a coup on Mount Olympus. With the world on the brink of war due to some of Ares's other efforts, he's got more power than they do. All of the Amazons patron gods are incapacitated, making it clear that the Amazon warriors are on their own.
There's an awesome invasion scene as the military attacks the Amazons island. It's probably going to look like Saving Private Ryan meets Braveheart. (Though I wouldn't be shocked to find this was inspired by Avatar.) The Amazons weapons are a mix of ancient ones and techno-magic. This could be really cool on-screen. Apparently they can't bomb the island from above because of the magics that protect it, but they can do damage with ground forces.
Meanwhile, Steve breaks out from his cell, incapacitates a guard and gets to Diana's cell. She's described as being "zoned out" just sitting in the middle of the room staring at a wall. Steve gets her cuffs undone, just in time for some guards to arrive. You can guess where this goes - without so much as a warning, they fire and Diana - now back to herself - deflects the bullets with her bracelets. She moves in a blur as at least four guards open fire. Impressively, she deflects every single bullet... except one. Steve gets hit in the gut and dies in Diana's arms.
Cue kickass Wonder Woman action scene. It's awesome, she flies to the island and adds her own might to the Amazonian forces. It's like watching Optimus Prime kick all that Decepticon ass at the start of Transformers: The Movie. All that's missing is Stan Bush on the soundtrack.
Even more impressive, she does it without killing any of the invading American soldiers. She recognizes that they are all under the influence - magical and otherwise - of Ares - and decrees to her sisters that these men are pawns. I don't know if I buy that the Amazons managed to get this deep into the battle and NOT kill any of the men, but I'll go with it.
Having turned the tide for the Amazons, Diana uses a portal on the island to access Mount Olympus. She faces off against Ares, eventually doing him in with the Golden Lasso. This breaks his hold over the other gods long enough for them to vanquish him. Finally, Diana removes Artemis from command and brings about an end to the fighting.
As the story ends, Hippolyta considers opening up relations with the outside world, appointing Diana to be their permanent ambassador. Hera appears to Diana and tells her that she was touched by Steve's selfless sacrifice for her and all the Amazons, and thus, he shall be revived. (If any Amazons were killed in the fighting, their fates go unaddressed and there's no mention of any of the other pawns being resurrected.) Steve and Diana are reunited, happily.
As the film ends, Diana is told to find Artemis and see if there are any other descendants of Hipployta's sister's tribe still out there. It's also made clear that Ares power is far from crippled, as political tensions rising all over the world bring the threat of war, and thus empower him. Diana's mission is one of preaching peace and to prevent the outbreak of war at any cost.
So it's clear that Warners is trying to set up more than just one film here. I like the "bigger picture" sense offered by the ending. Still, while everything wraps up well, I've got a lot of major issues with how it gets there. The broad strokes of this thing work, but Warners would be smart to dump the sex scene, let the rape backstory be subtext rather than explicity, and totally change Diana's characterization in the first half. I get that the "wide-eyed innocent" approach to her character might have been seen as a cliche, but over-correcting to the other extreme really doesn't work if we're going to fall in love with this character.
Having said that, the action scenes seem like they could be cool and Steve Trevor is completely awesome. Warners, I implore you, fix what doesn't work in this draft but don't through the baby out with the bathwater.
[ ] worse than Wolverine
[ ] Did Jon Peters have a hand in this?
[*] Like a Bryan Singer superhero film, this could go either way.
[ ] On a par with Spider-Man 2
[ ] Better than The Dark Knight, Superman the Movie and Iron Man put together
For those who don't know, DC Comics recently underwent a restructuring and as part of this, parent company Warner Brothers created DC Entertainment, which is "charged with strategically integrating the DC Comics business, brand and characters deeply into Warner Bros. Entertainment and all its content and distribution businesses." Green Lantern was already in pre-production at that point, and recent rumblings have indicated some new movement on new films featuring Superman and the Flash, but nothing about Wonder Woman.
Until now.
This draft is dated Jan 2010, and it's got the usual studio codes and watermarks all over this thing. Odds are they can trace a specific code back to a specific person, so do not email me asking to see this copy. I really can't afford to get my contact in trouble. Given the secrecy attached to this project, he'd (or she) would probably be fired even if Warners just suspected they were the leak. If they had proof, this individual would have to leave the business altogether. I know Whedon's writing when I see it, so I can say that if this is a rewrite of whatever Whedon turned in there's probably less of him in this than in X-Men. There's no screenwriter on the title page, unless you could the obvious nom de plume of "Billy Marston." (Wonder Woman's creator is William Moulton Marston.)
Given that a writer has 12 weeks to turn in a studio draft, that would mean that if this was turned in the last week of January that the contract was likely started in late October. DC Entertainment was announced on September 9, so while there's time for this to have been rushed into development after that, I'd guess this was in the works slightly longer. Thus, there's always the chance that DC Ent gave notes on this similar to what I will.
Wonder Woman is a tough character to crack, as there's so much backstory to the Amazons that one must wade through before one even gets to how Princess Diana becomes Wonder Woman. In fact, to set up Amazon culture right could take 15 minutes to a half-hour. Maybe in the 70s, audiences were willing to wait almost an hour to see Christopher Reeve as Superman, but that's not gonna fly here.
Thus, the first thing in the script is a long voiceover/montage that covers about five pages. It's been ages since I saw Fellowship of the Ring, but a voice buzzing in the back of my mind tells me that it's like this. Here's the Cliff Notes of the montage - the Amazons were warrior women chosen by the Goddess Hera and rewarded for their faith in her with eternal life. They were isolationists, but not unwelcoming to men... until Hercules came with his men.
(Side note - they fuck up the pantheons here. If Hera is the goddess, then the demi-god should be Heracleas.)
As one of his labors, Hercules sought to get the Golden Girdle of Hippolyta, the Queen of the Amazons. In this version, he's acting at the behest of Ares, God of War, which seems like an odd choice until later in the script. Hercules seduces the Queen, as his men did likewise with the other Amazons, then enslaves them all. It's also made disturbingly clear that they rape the Amazons too. It's just a few lines in a montage (as is everything I've described so far), but the voiceover from a character we soon learn is Hippolyta makes it clear these violations happen.
I get why they did this, but I wish they hadn't, as it leads to some really screwed up stuff later.
Anyway, the Amazons pray to their goddess for help and she grants them the strength to break their bonds. However, as a penance, they must always wear the wrist bracelets to remind them of their bondage. Should those bracelets ever be chained again, the Amazon will lose all her strength and the will to resist. Hera offers Hippolyta and her followers the refuge of an island that cannot be easily discovered, where they will remain safe from the outside world. Hippolyta accepts it and many of the Amazons follow... but not all of them.
A splinter group of Amazons, lead by Hippolyta's own sister decline to go into isolation, renouncing their immortality and their faith in Hera. Mostly though, they seem ticked at Hippolyta's leadership, which lead to them all being taken prisoner in the first place.
All of that is in the first ten pages. Enough backstory to choke a horse, but we're not even done yet. Hippolyta tells us that after several centuries in isolation, she began to long for a child. She even sculpts a child out of the clay of one of the beaches, and the God's of Olympus grant her life. Demeter gives her power and strength, Hermes speed and flight, Aphrodite gives her beauty, Athena gives her wisdom, and Artemis gives her the eye of the hunter.
Thus is born Princess Diana.
Wonder what it must have been like to be the only child on an island full of women who are eternally in their twenties and thirties and look like supermodels? Well, too bad.. we don't get any of that. Hippolyta's voiceover is revealed as part of a ceremony in which a now adult Diana (she's described as "early 20s") at last receives her ceremonial bracelets. Seems like this is the sort of thing that might have been done when she was younger, but I'll go with it.
There are two ways one could go with the premise of an innocent born onto an island of man-haters. She could be Ariel from The Little Mermaid, curious about the outside world, and perhaps even optimistic that men really aren't as bad as the legends say. Or she could totally drink the Kool-Aid and be utterly mistrustful of men on sight, convinced that any man who sees her is prepared to enslave her as her sisters were once enslaved.
Unfortunately, the script goes the latter route. The first time through this really ticked me off in the first act because all the hope and optimism that Diana is supposed to represent in the comics are replaced with a woman who's been as brainwashed by the anti-man propaganda as the Hitler Youth were by the Third Reich. After reading the rest of the script, I get why they went this way - it gives Diana an arc where she can go from hating men to embracing the outside world and even growing close to a man. In script-writing terms, I get it.
But it's not Wonder Woman. And it's a HUGE turn off to the character for nearly half the script.
Diana's out swimming alone one day when she witnesses the crash of a military plane flown by Col. Steve Trevor. Steve bails out and parachutes to the beach of the Amazon's island, whereupon he has a Meet Cute with Diana that basically consists of her accusing him of being the vanguard of an invasion and kicking his ass. Steve doesn't help matters with a cocky, flirtatious attitude from the start, but he doesn't make any aggressive moves. Diana basically beats him up for leering at her.
Side note about Steve: he's one of the script's bright spots, sort of a cross between Han Solo and Tom Cruise in Top Gun. In the comics, Steve tends to be bland but here he's written as a womanizing daredevil who doesn't take any shit. Maybe it's that he keeps taking the piss out of Diana, but he's a lot of fun.
Anyway, the Amazons prepare to interrogate Steve when Hera appears in a vision. Somehow, she intuits that Steve's presence there is actually the result of a scheme that the evil god Ares has against her and the Amazons. To her credit, Hera is disgusted by the aggression and violence her charges display to the first man they've seen in centuries, and instead offers a Golden Lasso, which will non-violently compel Steve to tell the truth. Her harshest words are directed at Diana, saying that the girl has a lot to learn and while the others have the "excuse" of having been victims before, she's lived a pampered life of privilege so there's no excuse for her aggression. A look passes between Hera and the Queen here, and Hipployta herself seems concerned about what her daughter has become.
Steve has no knowledge of this Ares and says he was just following orders. Hera is certain that the influence of Ares clouds his actions, but sensing him to be a decent man, orders Hippolyta to release him. Hippolyta decrees that they will send an Ambassador to return Steve to his world and then investigate what influence, if any Ares has over Steve's people. Naturally, Diana is chosen as that Ambassador, and Hera even supplies her with Amazonian armor that is redesigned to reflect the colors and symbols of Steve's homeland.
Yeah, the famed Wonder Woman bathing suit costume is reimagined. It's described as being like the armor of a Roman warrior, with a metal WW/eagle breast emblem atop a red leather corset, golden girdle, and warrior skirt in dark blue. Red leather boots top off the outfit while the tiara seems to be explained as part of Diana's everyday wear. There's no design art included, but the costume sounds like a decent interpretation of the outfit as warrior gear with the inherent silliness of the comic outfit. Take one look at Lynda Carter's outfit on the TV series to see how well that would work by modern standards.
So we're into the second act and suddenly the film becomes a bit of a romantic comedy. Diana flies Steve home but the trip is soon interrupted by a mid-air disaster. Due to poor air traffic control, a commuter jet wanders into a training exercise (we later learn that this military exercise was off-the-books and unofficial, giving a little more reason for how this happens.) Steve convinces Diana that she has to save the plane, and though the whole setpiece is perhaps WAY too close to Superman Returns, it does give Diana a very public superhero debut.
While everyone is buzzing about who this "Wonder Woman" is Steve somehow gets her a job as his assistant (pilots have secretaries? Who knew?) despite the fact she has no social security number and no ID. (There's passing mention of "a friend at the CIA" helping him get her credentials, but a LOT of this is hard to swallow, even if it is relatively faithful to how it works in the comics.)
Aside from Diana biting Steve's head off at every turn (predictably she chafes when asked to do assistant tasks like getting coffee and filing), the script turns into a fish-out-of-water story for a lot of the second act. There are some funny bits - and many dumb ones. There's another secretary at the military base who might as well have stepped right out of Sex & The City. This scene mainly exists to hang a lantern on the fact that Diana's a virgin (duh!) and that she finds the very idea of the act repugnant.
This actually could have been a funny idea, putting the virginal Wonder Woman up against a Samantha-type. What keeps it from working is the subtext that Diana equates sex with rape. It's a can of worms that could have easily been avoided by merely having Hercules simply take the Amazons prisoner. But more on this later.
There are also the predictable "Diana gets amazed by our culture" jokes. Most of these fall flat, with the low point being when she turns to MTV and sees Beyonce's "Single Ladies" video. At first it seems like the scene is content to play out with a dry remark from Diana about how the dancing reminds her of some of the more juvenile rituals on her island, but it goes south when she starts studying the dance moves. (And since when did MTV play music videos?)
The payoff for this is when the assistant drags her out for a girls night at the club, and we're "treated" to a "comedy" scene of Diana dancing to "Single Ladies" like in the video. It's like the "Thriller" moment in 13 Going on 30, only even more embarrassing. Given how dated this would make the film, I'm praying it's a placeholder for another gag.
There is a nice moment in here, though. As Diana departs from her Girl's Night, she hears cries from a nearby apartment. A woman is being beaten by her husband and while it's clear many people on the street (and probably a few of the neighbors) can hear her cries, no one moves to help her. Donning her armor, Diana smashes through a wall of the building and deals with the abuser. It's a nice moment of heroism.
Alongside this, the main plot develops. Steve has a battleaxe boss named Col. Artemis, and that name should be a tip-off to any fans of Wonder Woman comics in the last 15 years that she's a descendant of the splinter group of the Amazons who left all those years ago. In a nutshell, she tells her men that they're looking for a terrorist cell that has been operating off a hard-to-find Island somewhere in the Atlantic. With what Steve (and we) know, it doesn't take long to figure out she's trying to find the Amazons' island.
Fed up with Steve's failed efforts to charm Artemis, Diana breaks into her office and looks for evidence. She gets more than she bargained for when a "Gorgon" attacks her. She fights off the Gorgon in another spectacular battle, but ends up trashing the place. At the same time, Artemis thugs to "persuade" Steve to tell the truth about Diana and reveal what really happened on his mission. His cover story of how he managed to avoid going down with his ship isn't holding water.
Steve fights off these thugs, but an interesting thing happens when he returns to his apartment. Diana has been crashing at his place and while she fills him in about her recent fight, more of Artemis' men break in. One of them draws a gun and when Diana doesn't freeze, he fires. Steve leaps on the man, in the process putting himself in the path of the next shot. He reacts so instinctively, he doesn't see Diana deflect the bullet with her bracelet. Fortunately, it's just a flesh wound, but Diana is impressed that Steve would have risked his life for her.
They try to interrogate the assailant, but he bursts into flames the instant the lasso is put on him. Somehow, Diana knows this means Ares is involved. She and Steve have a bonding moment, and by now it's clear that Man's World has softened Diana a bit... but that's still no set-up for what happens next.
Diana and Steve have sex.
That sound you just heard was about a hundred message boards opening up into rants about Wonder Woman and virginity. There is probably not a single DC Comics bulletin board where this subject doesn't come up regularly, and it always gets ugly and ends badly. It usually comes down to a fight between posters who will argue that only certain characters are worthy of sleeping with Diana, or that with her history she should remain eternally celibate. On the other side of the issue are posters who find the very suggestion of Wonder Woman's celibacy offensive and argue that it's a sexist, repressive attitude that runs counter to the powerful feminist message that Wonder Woman offers.
(It is funny how in comics, every other female character can date, and few readers will read into it and try to make some sort of sexual political issue out of it. But the instant Diana even flirts with a guy, the message boards explode! Not sure why that is. To be fair, somewhere along the way there seems to have been a story where it was implied that if Diana ever slept with a man, it would cost her her powers.)
In short, any writer who tiptoes near Wonder Woman's sex life is playing with fire. You think people had a problem with Superman having a kid out of wedlock? Just wait until this hits theatres. Jon Peters' giant spider has nothing on this plot twist.
Anyway, I get what they're trying to do with this -bring Diana full circle from hating men to embracing intimacy with them. If it wasn't so ham-fisted (and better developed along the way) it might have worked. Chalk it up to first draft-itis.
The next day, Steve and Diana report for work with plans to go over Artemis' head. Before they know what's going on, Artemis has them arrested. Steve inadvertently seals their fate when he urges Diana to cooperate and not reveal herself - and then she's promptly handcuffed over her bracelets. That's enough to sap her of her strength and her will to resist. Though Steve endures interrogation without giving up the island, Diana tells Artemis what she wants to know, much to her own horror and Steve's.
I'm not wild about the bondage stuff being put back in, but at least it's being used for something.
With Steve and Diana prisoner, Artemis launches an attack on the island. She reveals to her captives that - as I said before - she's a descendant of Diana's aunt... and a consort of Ares. Ares had been biding his time for centuries, trying to get revenge on the Amazons for humbling Hercules and his men. When Artemis joined the military, he became aware of her and revealed himself to her. In the process, he showed her the truth about her own past and now the two have teamed up to wipe out the Amazons and steal whatever power the gods left them to possess.
Meanwhile, Ares pulls off a coup on Mount Olympus. With the world on the brink of war due to some of Ares's other efforts, he's got more power than they do. All of the Amazons patron gods are incapacitated, making it clear that the Amazon warriors are on their own.
There's an awesome invasion scene as the military attacks the Amazons island. It's probably going to look like Saving Private Ryan meets Braveheart. (Though I wouldn't be shocked to find this was inspired by Avatar.) The Amazons weapons are a mix of ancient ones and techno-magic. This could be really cool on-screen. Apparently they can't bomb the island from above because of the magics that protect it, but they can do damage with ground forces.
Meanwhile, Steve breaks out from his cell, incapacitates a guard and gets to Diana's cell. She's described as being "zoned out" just sitting in the middle of the room staring at a wall. Steve gets her cuffs undone, just in time for some guards to arrive. You can guess where this goes - without so much as a warning, they fire and Diana - now back to herself - deflects the bullets with her bracelets. She moves in a blur as at least four guards open fire. Impressively, she deflects every single bullet... except one. Steve gets hit in the gut and dies in Diana's arms.
Cue kickass Wonder Woman action scene. It's awesome, she flies to the island and adds her own might to the Amazonian forces. It's like watching Optimus Prime kick all that Decepticon ass at the start of Transformers: The Movie. All that's missing is Stan Bush on the soundtrack.
Even more impressive, she does it without killing any of the invading American soldiers. She recognizes that they are all under the influence - magical and otherwise - of Ares - and decrees to her sisters that these men are pawns. I don't know if I buy that the Amazons managed to get this deep into the battle and NOT kill any of the men, but I'll go with it.
Having turned the tide for the Amazons, Diana uses a portal on the island to access Mount Olympus. She faces off against Ares, eventually doing him in with the Golden Lasso. This breaks his hold over the other gods long enough for them to vanquish him. Finally, Diana removes Artemis from command and brings about an end to the fighting.
As the story ends, Hippolyta considers opening up relations with the outside world, appointing Diana to be their permanent ambassador. Hera appears to Diana and tells her that she was touched by Steve's selfless sacrifice for her and all the Amazons, and thus, he shall be revived. (If any Amazons were killed in the fighting, their fates go unaddressed and there's no mention of any of the other pawns being resurrected.) Steve and Diana are reunited, happily.
As the film ends, Diana is told to find Artemis and see if there are any other descendants of Hipployta's sister's tribe still out there. It's also made clear that Ares power is far from crippled, as political tensions rising all over the world bring the threat of war, and thus empower him. Diana's mission is one of preaching peace and to prevent the outbreak of war at any cost.
So it's clear that Warners is trying to set up more than just one film here. I like the "bigger picture" sense offered by the ending. Still, while everything wraps up well, I've got a lot of major issues with how it gets there. The broad strokes of this thing work, but Warners would be smart to dump the sex scene, let the rape backstory be subtext rather than explicity, and totally change Diana's characterization in the first half. I get that the "wide-eyed innocent" approach to her character might have been seen as a cliche, but over-correcting to the other extreme really doesn't work if we're going to fall in love with this character.
Having said that, the action scenes seem like they could be cool and Steve Trevor is completely awesome. Warners, I implore you, fix what doesn't work in this draft but don't through the baby out with the bathwater.
[ ] worse than Wolverine
[ ] Did Jon Peters have a hand in this?
[*] Like a Bryan Singer superhero film, this could go either way.
[ ] On a par with Spider-Man 2
[ ] Better than The Dark Knight, Superman the Movie and Iron Man put together
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
