Hockey Dead to Me

1.  Jim Balsillie ~ Charge: Crimes against hockey  Sentence:  Life without Parole

2.  Ryan Getzlaf ~ Charge: Crosschecking Mueller twice in the head and making me yell You F-ing C—–ucker at the top of my lungs.  And for killing kittens to fashion a toupee  ~ Sentence: 15-20 years and to be haunted by kitty ghosts.  Mean ones.

3.  James Wisniewski ~ Charge: He assaulted and hurt Hockey Jesus (Doan) ~Sentence: Life without Parole plus booing for life

4. James Neal ~ Charge: Crimes against Czechs ~ He hurt Prucha.  Then he had the nerve to swing back when Marty fought him.  Sentence: Life without Parole and may he live in fear of Prucha fans getting to him on the inside.

5.  Jared Boll ~ Charge: Crimes against Czechs ~ He hit Vrby after a goal.  He hurt Marty when Marty fought him.  Sentence: Life and herpes

6.  Patrick Kaleta ~ Charge: Crimes Against Czechs ~ He nailed Prucha. He fought Marty.  Sentence: Life and bad breath

7.  The English Language ~ Charge: Keeping Geno and I apart.  Sentence: You will be butchered by teenagers through texting and fade into nothingness.